"Never use ingenuity when brute force and ignorance will suffice. It only saps the brain cells."

Professionals DVD set 2



Reviewed August 2006

Jo said:

Open on a scruffy bloke, one George Arthur Riley, being interrogated by a roomful of other scruffy blokes and Mr Cowley about his life as a bomb-wielding terrorist. Except that he isn't – it's a film of his interrogation, being watched in a darkened room by Cowley and a few others. Cowley waxes lyrical about some wonderful new device that allowed them to break this hardened criminal within ten minutes of his arrest, and on the screen he certainly comes across as the image of a broken man, and I'm suddenly distracted by the notion that I've seen the actor in something else but can't quite place what, due to the excess of facial hair he's sporting here. One of Cowley's foreign-sounding companions dismisses British terrorists as soft compared to those of his country, where they clearly breed a better class of freedom fighter. So Cowley – without so much as pressing a button, which impresses me – switches to earlier footage of the same man, Riley, waving a gun in the face of his terrified hostage prior to his capture and shooting at the officers trying to talk him down. Not so soft after all. The film then shows a cartridge labelled 'PS2' being fired into the room with the man, filling it with smoke…and leading to his utter capitulation. Impressive stuff.

Cowley and his companion verbally fence a little around the issue of the British government not being likely to sell PS2 to his corrupt regime anytime ever…and then Cowley suggests they arrange a price. Shock! Horror! Could it be that the honourable Mr Cowley has finally given up his morals and decided to sell out?

Roll credits.

In a bar, Bodie and Doyle rattle the safety barrier, whinging at barman Ted that it's time he opened up and served them a drink. Got their priorities in order there, see. Seems they are the first to turn up to a farewell dinner for some agent or other – one Alfred, quartermaster at the armoury.

DOYLE: "Farewell dinners. I don't know why they don't just give him an eight-day clock and have done with it."

Ted adds insult to injury by serving someone else first when he finally does open the bar.

BODIE: "Excuse me – we were first!"
DOYLE: "No, excuse me – I was first."
BODIE [incredulous]: "Whose side are you on?"

ROFL

Elsewhere, Cowley continues to wax lyrical about the properties of PS2, while, elsewhere again, his conversation is being monitored all covert like by actor John Savident: later to be reincarnated as Fred Elliott in Coronation Street, here nameless as of yet.

At the party, wallflowers Bodie and Doyle skulk near the bar debating the finer points of matters football. Apparently, there's not much point mingling among fellow agents – those of the female variety they'll either have already worked their way through, or know well enough to steer well clear of, one presumes! Retiree Alf then drifts over to them, already halfway to hammered, and they offer to buy him a drink.

ALF: "I'll have a large Scotch, if you don't mind."
DOYLE: "I don't mind."
BODIE: "Have a treble."
ALF: "Why not? It's my night."
DOYLE [resigned]: "And it's my round."

Heh. Forget the plot – let's just have lots more randomly pointless scenes like this.

Cowley continues to negotiate. The Prospective Buyer is very interested – but dislikes the price, and claims to have an alternative source he could pursue if need be.

Back at the party, Alf is well and truly four sheets to the wind, much to the chagrin of the young female something he's hanging onto as he and his fellow agents commit musical carnage with a rendition of Auld Lang Syne. Still skulking around together but away from the bar now, every bit as sloshed as Alf, Bodie and Doyle have noticed Cowley's absence – but aren't in much of a condition to wonder about it in any great depth.

BODIE: "Where's Cowley?"
DOYLE: "I dunno."
BODIE: "Oh, he'd love it, you know, it's right up his street, all the Scots."
DOYLE: "Wahey!"

Drunk!Doyle is adorable, and apparently far less capable of stringing entire sentences together in this condition than Bodie. We'll have more of that as well, while we're at it, please.

Cut to: Bodie and Doyle jogging around a graveyard, of all places, early the next morning and still feeling the effects of the night before. Or, Bodie is, at least. Doyle, either less hungover or just concealing it better, seems to be taking great delight in making his partner suffer.

BODIE: "You know, I've been reading about all this jogging business. People have been known to drop dead in their tracks."
DOYLE: "You're in the right place, anyway."
BODIE: "Come on, we've done our stint."
DOYLE: "No, we haven't."
BODIE: "Well I have, I'm falling apart!"
DOYLE: "Pull yourself together, man. You know your trouble, though, don't you? You eat too much."
BODIE: "I always leave the table wanting!"
DOYLE: "Yeah, then you go back and have it!"

LOL. This is how they should always be – lots of fun, teasing banter. The tone and expression of both is perfect throughout. And in tracksuits, while running. More of this as well, if you please. Fred Elliott discreetly watches them jog past, and then settles in to wait for them to come by again on the next lap.

Cowley, meanwhile, is just finishing up on what must be a very early morning medical. He's in good shape for a 'man of his age', the doctor tells him, but can't go on indefinitely.

COWLEY: "What can't?"
DOCTOR: "The pace, the tension – your way of life."

The Doctor refuses to just give him a clean bill of health – while he's in good shape for a man his age, in a sedentary occupation, the fact is that his variety of sedentary is not one conducive to ongoing good health.

DOCTOR: "I use the word sedentary in terms of a spider, lying in wait for the prey to fall into the web. That's the trouble, George. You've spent far too long coiled, ready to spring."

Sounds like a fair enough point to me, albeit a bit flowery in terms of expression, but Cowley does not look impressed.

Back at the graveyard, Fred Elliott is just getting stuck into a cigar when the Lads come jogging his way once more. "Morning," he cheerily greets them as they jog past, and they wave and echo the greeting and are gone.

BODIE: "Hope you're keeping count."
DOYLE: "I've got a built in mileometer."

LOL. Bodie then proves to be a died-in-the-wool agent right to his very core, by wondering if 'that bloke back there' could be waiting for a drop-off or pick-up of some dodgy variety. A suspicious mind is all part of the job.

DOYLE: "Ze microfilm on ze first headstone on ze left."

Doyle is in a fantastic mood so far this episode. I love it. And then check out his disgruntled protest when Bodie cheats by cutting a corner as they continue to lap the graveyard.

Just whose bright idea was it to go jogging around a graveyard, anyway?

COWLEY: "You don't teach an old dog new tricks."
DOCTOR: "The wise old dog lets the young pups do all the work."
This is an awfully poetic kind of doctor. He seems very fond of his flowery little metaphors.
COWLEY: "And the young pups become impatient. They want to be top dog."

Cowley is not in such a good mood so far this episode. Now I'm longing to see the combination of Doyle's good mood and Cowley's bad mood in a room together sometime soon…

On their next lap, Fred Elliott calls Bodie and Doyle to a halt by calling them by name and asking for a word. They aren't especially surprised, having already surmised that he was there for a reason.

DOYLE: "Well, we are frightfully busy right now, as you can see."

Fred Elliott introduces himself as Mr Plum, which sounds like something out of a game of Cluedo to me, and is scathing in response to Bodie instantly greeting him as 'Victoria'. "I'm afraid I've got some rather distressing news," he says, not looking the slightest bit distressed.

BODIE: "You haven't got a cure for a hangover, have you?"
PLUM: "Yes. Know when you've had enough."

ROFL. I'm inclined to like Plum so far, just for his prissy sarcastic put-downs. He then informs the Lads that their boss has been 'putting something aside' and they react with complete disbelief. "What, Cowley? Bent? You're out of your mind." They know their boss well. But Plum doesn't care – the bottom line is that they've been assigned to 'get the goods' on Cowley and he's got official orders to that effect. He doesn't show them the paperwork, though – and they don't ask. Being picked up in a graveyard like this, so covertly and off-the-record like, they really should check the fine print.

Cowley, meanwhile, is conducting his covert underhand dealings on a public telephone at a petrol station someplace. Less likely to have the phone tapped there, it's true, but not exactly private.

Back at the graveyard, Plum plays the very incriminating tape of the conversation he was listening in on the previous night, while Bodie looks mulish and asks why them. The happy banter of earlier is completely gone and, as Plum departs, all smug satisfaction at his work here being complete and with me fast going off him again, he leaves behind him two very unhappy CI5 agents.

Later, Cowley drives into what appears to be a large, deserted warehouse – this, or something like it, has been seen in earlier episodes and is where CI5 conduct a lot of their training exercises. Bodie and Doyle are hard at it, apparently, and seem to be having great fun, bantering away once more as they prepare to let their stunt doubles play Tarzan through a large window. What the point of this little stunt is in terms of CI5 training I don't know.

"Just got up?" says Cowley as they pick themselves up. They grin at one another. If only he knew…

He's got a surveillance job for them, something fairly humdrum by the sounds of it, gives them short shrift over it, and then drives off again with them still leaning against the car and thus almost falling over.

BODIE: "You know it'd be funny if it wasn't pathetic. I've bugged his motor."
DOYLE: "When?"
BODIE: "Just now."
DOYLE: "Just now? He'll crucify you!"
BODIE: "Who me, sir? No, not I, sir. Not me. I didn't do it."

Hehe.

DOYLE: "You know the first rule of authority is to delegate."

So they off and delegate their surveillance job to Charlie – but which Charlie, we wonder? – and Bodie leans on a 'mate in the business' to acquire a completely clean motor, one Cowley's never seen before.

DOYLE: "Does it go?"
BODIE: "Like a bomb."

They are still very unhappy about being set on Cowley's tail, and debate a little in the car about what could be going on, and whether or not they should have told Cowley about their little conversation with Plum. It's kind of touching to see how much faith they have in their Controller, as they don't seem to seriously consider the possibility that he could be bent. Mostly, they seem to take for granted that he's up to something that he wants them kept out of, although they are keeping an open mind on the possibility of corruption in unexpected places.

DOYLE: "Once he's opened this particular nasty can of worms, we'll have to see which way they wiggle."

The bug on Cowley's car leads them straight to familiar ground – he's gone to the armoury.

DOYLE: "Curiouser and curiouser, said Alice."

Hmm. This is Literate!Doyle, today, then – quoting children's classics. Inside the armoury, Cowley glides past the many layers of security right to the heart of the building, where he finds Alf – not retired just yet, despite already having had his leaving party. Cowley requisitions and signs for some more PS2.

Outside, the Lads wait for Cowley to emerge, and check in with Charlie to see how their supposed mark Malik is making out. He's at the mosque. Charlie must be cursing their names. Wonder if it's the same Charlie as in Blind Run? Course, he was shot and badly wounded in that episode, but this is The Professionals, so he's probably been dusted off and returned to action by now.

BODIE: "I think it's a touch of action stations, don't you."

The banter and dialogue in this episode is fab.

DOYLE [exiting the car]: "Right. You're on your own."
BODIE: "Doyle. I'm gonna miss you."
DOYLE: "Very touching."
BODIE: "Hey – don't you speak to any strange men!"

While Bodie heads off in pursuit of Cowley's bugged car, Doyle wanders into the armoury to sniff around after whatever Cowley was doing in there.

ALF: "I've just had your chief in."
DOYLE: "Over-budget on paperclips again?"
ALF: "No, I've run out of red tape."

Doyle uses the pretext of a dodgy gun as his excuse for being there and, while Alf has a look at it, he takes the opportunity to sound him out and take a peek at the book where Cowley signed for the PS2. Doyle is looking mighty fine in this episode, all jeans, t-shirt and jacket. He learns, therefore, that Cowley signed out some PS2 – but can't prise from Alf what that is, or why his chief would want some.

Elsewhere in London, dramatic backing music plays as Bodie watches Cowley switch cars. Darn. So much for the bugged motor. He calls in to Doyle on the R/T while giving chase, and they have a conversation in partners code about where he seems to be headed and what Doyle has learned so far. I'm guessing the code is because they are talking on an open channel that anyone at CI5 could be listening in on, and the only person that knows they aren't working the case Cowley gave them is Charlie, who they've entrusted it to. I'm also guessing Charlie probably won't be so willing to do them any more favours in the future, if he's been forced to just hang around a mosque all day for their sake. Doyle isn't so guarded about telling Bodie about the PS2, though.

BODIE: "PS2? What's that?"
DOYLE: "That was your starter for ten."

Doyle then tells Bodie to switch to the 'close-out' frequency, as he's cleared it with Victoria. I'm guessing there was a brief time-lapse there, although it wasn't made clear by the editing.

Bodie tails Cowley out to an old airstrip, and then stops to ask directions from a couple of suspicious looking blokes hanging around carrying shotguns, apparently out for a day's shooting. As flat as a couple of cardboard cutouts, they point him in the way they claim to have just directed Cowley and Bodie heads off, utterly non-inconspicuous. There's just no way Cowley could fail to realise he's being followed if Bodie gets too close, what with them being the only two vehicles for miles, by the looks of it.

Cowley, though, has already reached his destination – a remote farm where Mr and Ms Buyer that he met with in the teaser are staying.

Bodie's bomb of a van makes heavy weather of the country lanes he's attempting to drive it down, and is probably vastly relieved when he gives it up as a bad job and continues on foot in the interests of discretion, with one last message for Doyle, who is following.

BODIE: "After that you're on your own, Goldilocks. Out."

Heh. Doesn't Cowley call Doyle 'goldilocks' at one point, as well? And he isn't even blonde…just somewhat shaggy in the hair department.

Victoria Plum, meanwhile, is the next visitor that Alf gets in his little den in the armoury. He sends Alf off on some wild goose chase or other so he can pinch the carbon of the page where Cowley signed for the PS2.

Back out in the country, Bodie doesn't look as though he's enjoying his cross-country jaunt. He's having a busy day – hangover, early morning jogging enforced by his tyrant of a partner, covertly recruited to spy on his supposedly corrupt boss by a prissy Victoria Plum, training exercises involving diving Tarzan-style through a window, wild goose chases around and out of London in covert pursuit of said apparently corrupt boss, and now cross country manoeuvres. No one could ever accuse the life of a CI5 agent of being dull or monotonous. He looks almost as fine as Doyle, though. This is a good episode for both the Lads.

Bodie's busy day gets worse when a member of the Buying Party, out riding in the woods, spots him and gives chase. Bodie legs it, trips over his own feet and crashes to the ground, and then scrambles back to his feet and starts running again in the opposite direction since the horse had been going too fast to stop when he went down. Terry Pratchett is right, it seems – over very short distances a human really does have the advantage over a horse. But not over longer distances. It doesn't take the Horse-riding Henchman long to catch up with the fleeing Bodie, who gets a boot in the middle of the back and goes crashing to the ground again, rather more painfully this time and only narrowly avoiding a collision with a tree.

Bodie, however, retains full presence of mind. Grabbing a large – and, thankfully, sturdy – fallen branch, he waits for his pursuer to turn and ride back to him, and then swipes at him with the branch. Henchman promptly tumbles from his horse and it's his turn to go crashing painfully to the ground. Made of less sturdy stuff than Bodie and his branch, he lies stunned and still, while the now rider-free horse makes good its escape.

At the farm, Cowley is enjoying drinks and more verbal fencing with Mr and Ms Buyer. Doyle, having now acquired a car, speeds along following the directions Bodie gave him, while Bodie – who has now acquired a rope and used it to truss up his captive Henchman – rather gleefully locks said captive Henchman in the back of his van, thus forming an impromptu prison.

BODIE: "Now, don't you touch anything. This isn't mine, and I don't want it knocked about. Are you comfy? No? Ah, well. Never mind. Goodbye."

Back at the airstrip, Doyle speeds straight through – and the two blokes that had previously given Bodie directions to the farm watch him go, from inside one of the abandoned buildings. Then, while Bodie is repeating his cross-country jaunt of earlier and this time makes it all the way to the farm, Doyle is fast catching up with him, eventually abandoning his own car and continuing on foot, just as his partner did before him.

At the farm, Cowley continues to negotiate over the price for PS2 – or, rather, the Buyers attempt to haggle him down, while he refuses to budge from what he considers a fair price considering the personal risk involved.

Doyle finds Bodie's abandoned car, rocking madly on its wheels. His immediate reaction is that Bodie has found himself a milkmaid. Then, as he peers in through the back window to see the captive Henchman inside, one of the erstwhile Shady Direction Givers Bodie encountered earlier comes up behind him with a large stick and attempts to take him out from behind. Seeing his reflection in the window, Doyle easily evades and takes him out instead, although not before said window gets smashed to bits. Bodie – and his van-providing mate – won't be happy about that. Second Shady Direction Giving Bloke is also there, so Doyle gets to fight him, too, and doesn't take long to take him down. The back of the van is soon bulging with captive Henchmen.

DOYLE: "Have a nice day."

How did those blokes catch up to Doyle so quickly, anyway? Doyle was driving pretty fast, and we know him well enough to know he'd have noticed if there was a car trailing him. Maybe they took a shortcut.

At the farm, while the verbal fencing continues, Ms Buyer sees Horse-riding Henchman's now unmanned horse grazing contentedly on the lawn outside, and is puzzled. Bodie tries to coax the horse toward him and away from the window, but too late, and has to hide quickly as she comes outside to attend to it herself. And thus the alarm is raised that something has happened to their missing Henchman, although at this stage they presume he's just taken a tumble somewhere while out riding.

Love, love, *love* the scene of Bodie crouching hidden behind a wall, and a hand snaking around it to tap his shoulder… He whirls around, gun at the ready – no one there…and then Doyle pops his head around the wall. "Only me." Only Doyle could have snuck up on Bodie like that, one hopes. Bodie's face is a picture of relieved exasperation.

Inside, Cowley's business wrangling continues. "Impasses are for moral dilemmas. This is strictly business." Got to appreciate how he makes even dodgy dealing sound like one of his moral crusades, with the speechifying and high-handedness that's so typical of him.

While Henchman#2 rides out in search of the missing Henchman#1, Bodie and Doyle return to Doyle's car to check in with Victoria Plum on the secret frequency about what they've learned so far regarding Cowley's covert meeting and those taking part. Seems Mr Buyer is known to be a ruthless dictator that the British government can't be seen to have any dealings with. In that case, what's he doing slumming it on a farm in the British countryside with so little security? Doesn't sound like dictatorly behaviour to me. Ms Buyer is his wife, known to be every bit as bad if not worse.

PLUM: "Would you say, then, Doyle, by what you've seen and heard, that there is any doubt about Cowley's guilt?"
Doyle pulls a face, and looks at Bodie, who looks equally uncomfortable. Way to be put on the spot.
DOYLE [reluctant]: "Sorry to say, no – none at all."

Plum is way too cheerful about it, and tells them to bring Cowley in – just Cowley. Doyle protests that if they continue the surveillance they can bring the whole lot in, right back to the source of supply. But Plum isn't interested in following the chain back any further. He just wants Cowley. And the Lads still don't know what PS2 is.

At the farm, Cowley shows Mr and Ms Buyer the cases of PS2 he has in the boot of his car, and then leaves it there – not even bothering to re-seal the case – as they all head in for dinner. How uncharacteristically trusting of him. Henchman#2, meanwhile, has stumbled upon Bodie's cunningly unconcealed van out in the woods, and discovered his fellow Henchmen all trussed up inside.

Over dinner, Mr Buyer quizzes Cowley on his sudden turn to the dark side after so many years of distinguished service and so close to receiving his pension. "Corruption in high places spreads like whispers in the wind." More poetry. Cowley claims to be simply feathering his nest in readiness for his retirement, but can't quite stop himself trading more verbal fencing over the ruthless dictator's corrupt methods of fleecing his people, despite the apparent hypocrisy, because, y'know, this is Cowley.

Outside, Bodie and Doyle wait, bored, for Cowley to emerge so they can arrest him. But then Henchmen #1, #2, #3 and #4 manage to sneak up on them both and get way too close before they are spotted. Not very alert, there, Lads. They spring into action, fighting back against #1, #3 and #4, who, between them, they've already taken out once today – but #2, on horseback, has a gun trained on them, which pretty much settles the latest round in favour of the bad guys. The dismayed and disgruntled agents quickly find themselves disarmed.

Over dinner, Cowley has pretty much concluded his business dealings, and smoothly turns the conversation to the subject of his competition, the reason they are haggling over price. But before he can prise any information on that subject from his hosts, Henchman#2 interrupts to inform the gathering of the capture of the two intruders, Henchman#2 apparently being the only one of the four who is actually paid to speak. The guarded look on Cowley's face says that he instantly knows – or suspects – what this probably means. And, sure enough, his top team is herded into the room at gunpoint.

How awkward for all concerned.

Cowley simply dismisses them. Unable, due to Bodie's greeting of him by name, to claim not to know them at all, he dismissively introduces Bodie as a mercenary – and the Lads promptly play along. They are available for hire and heard their services might be wanted…

BODIE: "Oh, the word gets around, you know. We're quite a select team."
COWLEY: "Select? You're beneath contempt."

Feigning magnificent disdain, Cowley regards them both much as you would something nasty you'd trodden in, and the temperature in the room drops a few more degrees.

DOYLE: "Oh, we're just hired hands. It's our masters who are bent."

The Lads are taken away and locked up down in what appear to be pretty extensive cellars.

DOYLE: "I don't think I like being called a mercenary. They're the strangest people."

That a dig at your partner, there, Doyle? Bodie points out that Cowley's deception could have saved their necks, but Doyle is now in a thoroughly grumpy mood and not prepared to believe anything either way until all facts are straight and it is all over, one way or the other.

Back above, Cowley continues his attempt to save both his negotiations and his agents, while Ms Buyer suggests pressing them into immediate service – as test subjects for the PS2. And, down in the cellar, the Lads explore their surroundings thoroughly until they find a tiny window with a loose-fitting grill – if they can just get it off, the escape might be on.

BODIE: "Ah. Padlock. Piece of cake, really – if we had the key…. All we need is a crowbar, good sized hammer – not too much to ask in a self-respecting cellar."

Doyle finds him a chisel that might suffice, and he starts work on the grill.

BODIE: "You weren't a boy scout, were you?"
DOYLE: "No, I took dancing lessons."

While Cowley's attempts at stalling fail, and he has to reluctantly head to the car to fetch his box of tricks, the Lads continue their attempts at breaking free from their impromptu prison, Doyle taking over from Bodie.

DOYLE: "Never use ingenuity when brute force and ignorance will suffice. It only saps the brain cells."

They aren't quite quiet enough and Cowley, out at his car, hears them. He slams the boot shut hard, and on hearing it they both duck, quick. Doyle drops the chisel and it rolls out into the yard. So Cowley wanders over and casually kicks it back inside. But they don't know it was him, although you'd think they could hazard a good guess – who else in this place might be trying to help them?

While Cowley is outside, the Buyers discuss this latest turn of events – and decide they can no longer trust him. Cowley is to be locked in the cellar with the intruders and the PS2 used on him as well as them. Perfect practical demonstration, and then for a larger supply they can go to the other source. On his return, Cowley is trying a bit too hard to act casual – and it's nice to see that the old man can get rattled when his plans go wrong. He takes his sweet time priming the canister of PS2, stalling for time – but not too much. He can't afford to take too long, not with his Buyers already suspicious.

Doyle finally manages to get the grill off the little window, just in the nick of time, and squeezes out to the relative freedom of the yard outside, followed by Bodie. Then as Cowley hurls the activated canister of PS2 into the cellar, Henchman#2 shoves him in after it, and locks the door behind him. Being a quick-thinking old goat, he instantly starts looking for the window he knows Bodie and Doyle were trying to escape from, but by the time he reaches it, he's suffering badly from the smoke, having made little or no attempt to cover his mouth and nose while wandering through it. Doyle promptly slides back inside to help him clamber out. Got to love the loyalty there, in spite of how bad things look.

The Buyers discuss how long it will be before it is safe to go into the cellar, and then open the door long before the smoke has cleared anyway. In spite of the smoke, it doesn't take them long to realise the cellar is empty and their prisoners have escaped. The Lads, meanwhile, haul Cowley back to his car and start driving, as fast as, with Cowley pretty much out of it by now. While they make good their escape, the Buyers set up an alternative deal with their other prospective supplier…

And we cut to Victoria Plum, exiting his house by cover of dark.

The Merry Henchmen drive away and head straight to a couple of vans chock full of PS2. What's that all about? Very quickly arranged – with the episode running out of time, the writers are starting to rush the fine details now. I mean, they didn't even get to see if the stuff worked as advertised, since their captives escaped from the little demonstration they'd set up, so the decision to buy in bulk is stemming purely from Cowley's skill as a salesman. The Henchmen then hang around waiting for the supplier, because the vans have been sabotaged so they can't leave until the supplier returns the parts he took from the engines – clever thinking on the part of the supplier, since these are apparently ruthless crooks who'd be quite prepared to just nick the lot and leave him without a penny.

And the supplier is…Alf the retiring armoury official. Shock, horror.

Back at HQ, Bodie and Doyle are still grimly doing their job and bringing Cowley in, although I'm not sure why they are taking him to the armoury, while he grumbles and complains about weeks and weeks of work being wasted thanks to their interference. "I wouldn't have been in that cellar if you two hadn't been incompetent enough to get caught!" he rages at them. PS2 is a construct of his imagination, he explains – vaporised tranquilliser, nothing more. A ruse. And who put them onto him?

"I did," says Plum, sitting in the armoury looking smug while holding a gun on them. He is all about the moral high ground, ranting and raving about Cowley being a traitor to the realm, but fails to produce the written orders he claimed to have for Bodie and Doyle. They, for their part, instantly move to stand at the shoulders of their Controller – not even a hint of divided loyalties here at the crux, in spite of the confusing situation they've found themselves in that day.

Cowley and Plum argue over the rights and wrongs of the situation – there's been an ongoing problem regarding misappropriation of weaponry, apparently, that's had everyone baffled. Cowley was out to solve it, and took the precaution of securing ministerial sanction first – unlike Plum, who has succeeded only in getting things completely wrong and complicating the situation. Doyle and Bodie then pull a very nice, swift little manoeuvre – Doyle distracting him by pushing the table lamp at him, which gives Bodie the opportunity of disarming him.

Daylight out at the farm, the Buyers are preparing for a swift getaway with their misappropriated PS2 once it arrives – the vans fast heading their way. But so are the two cars containing all the agents apparently needed to conclude this case. You'd think they'd have had time to call in more backup than that, surely.

The Buyers and their Henchmen are busily loading up a little aircraft with the PS2 when CI5 rudely interrupt their departure plans, rolling out of their cars and behind conveniently positioned barrels, guns trained. Henchman#2, the only one with a bit of gumption about him, gets off a shot before being hit in the arm. Another impasse.

COWLEY: "Cole. If there was one person in my life I'd have trusted…"
ALF: "That man was me…on my salary?"

And then…the bad guys kind of just give up, not another shot fired, despite clearly being well armed and supposedly ruthless. Like I said, the end is being rushed a bit. And Plum's career is unlikely to survive this little incident.

DOYLE: "Fancy a run tomorrow?"
Bodie just looks at him.

Cowley, Bodie, Doyle and Plum then all get back into Cowley's car and drive away, leaving the second car load of lesser agents to take all the Henchmen into custody all by themselves! I really hope that more backup – and more vehicles to transport them all in – are on the way.

The end – until the next exciting instalment.



Birgit said:

> Keeping up a nice brisk pace in hopes of meeting that 2010 deadline...

I'm speechless.

> Prettyish banner, work in progress, courtesy of Sue's screencaps:
> http://uk.geocities.com/joannabuk/Pro211-1a.jpg

Very nice - thank you!

> At the party, wallflowers Bodie and Doyle skulk near the bar debating the finer points of matters football. Apparently, there's not much point mingling among fellow agents – those of the female variety they'll either have already worked their way through, or know well enough to steer well clear of, one presumes!

Yeah, makes you wonder if there wasn't anything better to do than get plastered and talk about footie (not overly coherently either, for that matter). The exchange about Keegan sounded somewhat ad-libbed to me, as if they didn't really have a script to go by (or forgot what it said). <g>

> Heh. Forget the plot – let's just have lots more randomly pointless scenes like this.

Oh, absolutely. I'm with you. :)

> BODIE: "Where's Cowley?"
> DOYLE: "I dunno."
> BODIE: "Oh, he'd love it, you know, it's right up his street, all
> the Scots."
> DOYLE: "Wahey!"

I've always puzzled about what it is that Bodie says. The transcript says "all this Scotch" - I'm not so sure what I hear (and I've lent my DVDs to someone so I can't check), but I think it could make sense.

> Drunk!Doyle is adorable, and apparently far less capable of stringing entire sentences together in this condition than Bodie. We'll have more of that as well, while we're at it, please.

Heh - yeah, why not. It's funny how much the "being drunk" theme seems to appeal to people if you think of all the stories that show them far less than sober. I quite like it myself although I have a feeling that real-life agents like them wouldn't dare getting really sloshed even in their spare time. But then again, Cowley seems to consume an amazing amount of wee drams during the day as well...

> Cut to: Bodie and Doyle jogging around a graveyard, of all places, early the next morning and still feeling the effects of the night before. Or, Bodie is, at least. Doyle, either less hungover or just concealing it better, seems to be taking great delight in
making his partner suffer.

He looks rather chipper to me. Again, this "unlike me, he (insert either agent) never gets a hangover" is a recurring theme in fanfic, and again, I don't think either of them would risk a really bad hangover on the job.

> Doyle is in a fantastic mood so far this episode. I love it.

And me. I much prefer him like this compared with the over-the-top silliness in Fall Girl.

> Just whose bright idea was it to go jogging around a graveyard, anyway?

Like I'm going to say in one of my stories that are going to be posted at some point during the next decade: Much less dog shit than in the park, dear.

> COWLEY: "And the young pups become impatient. They want to be top dog."

This has always given me pause. I don't think the lads (or any other agent we know of) gives Cowley reason to think they're after his job or anything.

> ROFL. I'm inclined to like Plum so far, just for his prissy sarcastic put-downs.

He's so outrageous with his cigar, bowler hat and that funny umbrella-cum-stool that you *have* to like him, don't you? He's a perfect caricature of himself.

> What the point of this little stunt is in terms of CI5 training I don't know.

Ah, but you don't remember the original titles sequence, then. It appears that going through closed windows and being timed while you do so is one of the essentials if you want to join CI5.

> "Just got up?" says Cowley as they pick themselves up. They grin at one another. If only he knew…

Er... I'm always slightly distracted by the rather large bit of broken glass lying smack-bang across Doyle's groin, in acute danger of causing some permanent and highly unpleasant injury...

> DOYLE: "Just now? He'll crucify you!"
> BODIE: "Who me, sir? No, not I, sir. Not me. I didn't do it."

I love that exchange. They're more like schoolboys than serious agents. Funny Doyle hasn't realised what Bodie was doing, though. He's usually more perceptive.

> So they off and delegate their surveillance job to Charlie – but which Charlie, we wonder?

I tend to think it's "our" Charlie all right. I even think he's the invisible dispatcher in Takeaway bantering with Doyle over the round-the-clock on the Chinese nosh house.

> Hmm. This is Literate!Doyle, today, then – quoting children's classics.

I've no objections - better than getting your quotations wrong like Bodie in Slush Fund. <g>

> DOYLE [exiting the car]: "Right. You're on your own."
> BODIE: "Doyle. I'm gonna miss you."
> DOYLE: "Very touching."
> BODIE: "Hey – don't you speak to any strange men!"

The only thing that somehow spoils the logic of this scene, although not in the slightest the eye candy on offer is the way Doyle crosses the street around Bodie's car. Well, maybe the director said something like "Go on, Mart, let's see that gorgeous bum in motion." <g>

> BODIE: "After that you're on your own, Goldilocks. Out."
> Heh. Doesn't Cowley call Doyle 'goldilocks' at one point, as well?

Yup. First Night, in the car. But whaddaya mean by shaggy, eh? <g>

> He looks almost as fine as Doyle, though.

What's up with you, Jo? Not feeling well today? <g>

> This is a good episode for both the Lads.

Ah, okay. Very diplomatic.

> Doyle gets to fight him, too, and doesn't take long to take him down. The back of the van is soon bulging with captive Henchmen.
> DOYLE: "Have a nice day."

Oh, I love the casual way Doyle dispatches of his enemies. He can most definitely look after himself in a fight.

> Love, love, *love* the scene of Bodie crouching hidden behind a wall, and a hand snaking around it to tap his shoulder… He whirls around, gun at the ready – no one there…and then Doyle pops his head around the wall. "Only me." Only Doyle could have snuck up on Bodie like that, one hopes. Bodie's face is a picture of relieved exasperation.

I agree. It's one of my all-time favourite scenes. Quite a few writers claim that city-boy Doyle is unable to move through nature without making a racket, but this proves that he can sneak up even on his jungle-experienced partner - not a mean feat, I reckon.

> Cowley simply dismisses them. Unable, due to Bodie's greeting of him by name, to claim not to know them at all,

This makes you wonder what the lads really think of Cowley at that moment. Okay, so they have conceded to Plum that there is no doubt about Cowley's guilt, but the ending clearly shows where their loyalty lies.

> DOYLE: "Oh, we're just hired hands. It's our masters who are bent."

That's a very telling remark - he obviously wants Cowley to know that they know about his scheming even though he still might not be fully convinced it's what Plum thinks it is. Otherwise, I imagine Doyle would be much more angry with Cowley. If he really feels betrayed, he's usually much more agitated.

> DOYLE: "I don't think I like being called a mercenary. They're the strangest people."
> That a dig at your partner, there, Doyle? Bodie points out that Cowley's deception could have saved their necks, but Doyle is now in a thoroughly grumpy mood

Exactly. He's grumpy, but not angry enough to be fully convinced.

> Doyle finds him a chisel that might suffice, and he starts work on the grill.

I love that scene to bits. It's all so natural, so easy-flowing. Ahhhh.

> BODIE: "You weren't a boy scout, were you?"
> DOYLE: "No, I took dancing lessons."

There has been a lot of speculation in fanfic about this, right down to Doyle becoming a tutu-clad gay in a former life before CI5. Personally, I think he's just joking, very dead-pan. I can very well imagine him as a boy scout, for that matter (waves to Elsa).

> Doyle promptly slides back inside to help him clamber out. Got to love the loyalty there, in spite of how bad things look.

Yeah, that's what I've been thinking all the time. He's either scrupulously fair not to judge Cowley without knowing all the details (which would be fairly typical of him), or he's simply not convinced deep down. I tend to think the latter.

> Back at HQ, Bodie and Doyle are still grimly doing their job and bringing Cowley in, although I'm not sure why they are taking him to the armoury,

I think because Victoria asked them to take him there. They don't seem surprised to find him around.

> "I did," says Plum, sitting in the armoury looking smug while holding a gun on them.

And, if my memory serves me right (like I said, I can't check), smoking a big fat cigar in the middle of an armoury, fancy that! And if he had fired that gun, he would have risked to bring the whole building down around their ears. Not very clever, eh?

> Doyle and Bodie then pull a very nice, swift little manoeuvre –

Oh, that one's brilliant. Just the type of telepathic stunt you'd expect them to pull.

> COWLEY: "Cole. If there was one person in my life I'd have trusted…"

Makes you wonder. Cole is hardly in the same league as Barry Martin, is he?

I like Doyle's _expression when Cole says he'd only drop his gun rather than shoot him. Bet he's not a little put off to hear his boss for once praise his shooting prowess only to have the suspect dismiss it without even batting an eyelid. <g>

One of my fav eps at any rate, despite the tartan jackets. Nice horses, too, for the likes of Pony and me. <g>


Jo said:

> I'm speechless.

Yeah, I'm in fast-forward on the reviewing at the moment. It was starting to take longer and longer between each one...

Plus, since my fic-writing muse being on holiday, I'm occupying myself otherwise.

> I've always puzzled about what it is that Bodie says. The transcript says "all this Scotch" - I'm not so sure what I hear (and I've lent my DVDs to someone so I can't check), but I think it could make sense.

I wanted to say 'all this Scotch' because it would make more sense! but it sounds more like 'all the Scots'. I explain it in my head as Bodie being drunk.

It's funny how much the "being drunk" theme seems to appeal to people if you think of all the stories that show them far less than sober. I quite like it myself although I have a feeling that real-life agents like them wouldn't dare getting really sloshed even in their spare time. But then again, Cowley seems to consume an amazing amount of wee drams during the day as well...

I doubt, as you say, they let themselves get really seriously hammered all that often. But they are definitely very merry by the end of this party...

> Like I'm going to say in one of my stories that are going to be posted at some point during the next decade: Much less dog shit than in the park, dear.

Excellent point.


> > COWLEY: "And the young pups become impatient. They want to be top dog."
> This has always given me pause. I don't think the lads (or any other agent we know of) gives Cowley reason to think they're after his job or anything.

No, none of them seem overly-ambitious for Cowley's job. Maybe he's just feeling a little sensitive about the doctor telling him he's getting on a bit and needs to slow down!

> Ah, but you don't remember the original titles sequence, then. It appears that going through closed windows and being timed while you do so is one of the essentials if you want to join CI5.

Oh, I remember the sequence. I just don't see the point of it in terms of active training!

> Er... I'm always slightly distracted by the rather large bit of broken glass lying smack-bang across Doyle's groin, in acute danger of causing some permanent and highly unpleasant injury...

ROFL

> I tend to think it's "our" Charlie all right. I even think he's the invisible dispatcher in Takeaway bantering with Doyle over the round-the-clock on the Chinese nosh house.

I really like Charlie in Blind Run, so am quite happy to imagine that any other unseen Charlie referred to is him! They seemed to get along really well, so I'd imagine they'd be comfortable asking him to do them a favour like this. Plus, if he's still recovering from that shooting, a nice cosy surveillance job would be right up his street.

> > BODIE: "After that you're on your own, Goldilocks. Out."
> > Heh. Doesn't Cowley call Doyle 'goldilocks' at one point, as well?
> Yup. First Night, in the car. But whaddaya mean by shaggy, eh? <g>

I'm very fond of Doyle's shaggy hair. *G*

> What's up with you, Jo? Not feeling well today? <g>
> Ah, okay. Very diplomatic.

Hey, I might be a dyed-in-the-wool DD, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate Bodie's finer moments. ;)

> Oh, I love the casual way Doyle dispatches of his enemies. He can most definitely look after himself in a fight.

Yup, he definitely can - again, despite all thos fanfics painting him as the weaker of the two. Not in the slightest.

> I agree. It's one of my all-time favourite scenes. Quite a few writers claim that city-boy Doyle is unable to move through nature without making a racket, but this proves that he can sneak up even on his jungle-experienced partner - not a mean feat, I reckon.

They are both at the top of their game. Except that they later allow all the Henchmen to sneak up on them.

> This makes you wonder what the lads really think of Cowley at that moment. Okay, so they have conceded to Plum that there is no doubt about Cowley's guilt, but the ending clearly shows where their loyalty lies.

Like I said, they seem to be trying to keep a very open mind - they know Cowley very very well, and seem willing to give him the benefit of the doubt even when the odds look stacked against him - but they are also keeping an open mind on the possibility that he really has turned. They pretty much came out and said earlier in the episode that they thought Cowley was up to something covert.

> That's a very telling remark - he obviously wants Cowley to know that they know about his scheming even though he still might not be fully convinced it's what Plum thinks it is. Otherwise, I imagine Doyle would be much more angry with Cowley. If he really feels betrayed, he's usually much more agitated.

Good point - this isn't betrayed Doyle. It's grouchy Doyle not liking what's happening but prepared to see it through to the final discovery of what's really going on and only then draw concrete conclusions.

> I love that scene to bits. It's all so natural, so easy-flowing. Ahhhh.

They are both so fab down in the cellar - the scenes of their escape attempts really flow naturally. And yeah, I take the dancing lessons line as a joke, just like the 'don't talk to any strange men' line earlier. It's playful banter - they are on top form in that regard in this episode.

> Yeah, that's what I've been thinking all the time. He's either scrupulously fair not to judge Cowley without knowing all the details (which would be fairly typical of him), or he's simply not convinced deep down. I tend to think the latter.

The latter - but probably a mixture of both.

> > Back at HQ, Bodie and Doyle are still grimly doing their job and bringing Cowley in, although I'm not sure why they are taking him to the armoury,
> I think because Victoria asked them to take him there. They don't seem surprised to find him around.

He probably did ask them there. But it still seems an odd place for the meeting to take place!

> > COWLEY: "Cole. If there was one person in my life I'd have trusted…"
> Makes you wonder. Cole is hardly in the same league as Barry Martin, is he?

Makes you long for a bit of backstory, no?

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