"I'm not gonna let you die, period."

Aawwww, Dean.

After the emotional upheavels of the last couple of episodes, where the differences between the brothers were first brought to a head and then brought to some kind of resolution, this episode launches straight into business as usual – they're right back in the saddle, working together as a team, everything exactly as it should be.

Also note, although no comment is made, it is clear that the boys have decided not to pick up the wild goose chase for John after the events of Scarecrow. I mean, they could have headed for Sacramento as soon as they'd taken care of the man-eating scarecrow, with only a few days of search time lost. An acceptable compromise, surely. But no. John made it clear that he didn't want them searching for him, and Dean was always prepared to reluctantly go along with that. Sam has apparently reached the same conclusion. Or maybe neither of them liked to mention the possibility of picking up the search again, for fear of rocking the boat once more.

The post-recap story proper of this episode opens not with a case-establishing teaser, but with the brothers already mid-job, pulling up outside an abandoned house in search of a rawhead. After all the friction of the last couple of episodes, they are pulling together here like a well-oiled team. Partners. Completely in tune with one another. And yet the fact that Dean is ultimately in charge of the operation is very subtly highlighted as foreshadowing of what is to come. Dean has prepared the weapons – electric tasers – and quickly re-runs through their operation with Sam before going in, tossing out last minute directions that Sam nods and accepts instead of protesting or resenting; Dean leads the way ahead of Sam into the building and down to the basement; on hearing a noise, Dean again takes the lead on investigating it. Cowering in a cupboard they find two terrified young children.

SAM: "Is it still here?"

I love that. These children have been hiding from a monster that no one would surely believe in if they survived to tell the tale, and then these two strangers come to their rescue and don't even need to hear the tale to believe in it – they already know the monster is real, and take that fact for granted.

DEAN: "Okay. [to the boy] Grab your sister's hand. Come on, we gotta get you out of here."

Solid big brotherly advice there. Sam takes charge of getting the children to safety, while Dean follows, covering their retreat, as usual. But it all goes wrong when the rawhead grabs Sam's foot through the stairs, tripping him. Dean shoots, and misses. Only one shot per taser, so Sam tosses his to his brother and runs to get the children out, leaving Dean alone with the rawhead.

Dean prowls nervously. It is very dark down there, flashlight or no. The rawhead gets the drop on him and knocks him down, then advances menacingly. The taser has dropped into a large puddle nearby. With the rawhead almost upon him, Dean scrabbles to reclaim the gun, and shoots, no time to spare. One hundred thousand volts. It fries the rawhead, all right. But the monster has got too close, stepped into the same pool of water that Dean had to crawl into to get his gun, and water conducts. Disaster, as Dean is also electrocuted, and lies still.

Sam comes sprinting back downstairs, unarmed now, so I'm not sure what he thought he could do to help, but he's too late anyway. The supposedly unconscious Dean has shifted position slightly, but we'll just glide right past that fact and focus on Sam's horror at finding his brother lying there as limp and floppy as a rag doll, completely unresponsive.

Titles.

With a couple of police officers lurking menacingly just behind him, Sam stands at a hospital admission desk talking to the receptionist, looking utterly lost and bewildered and scared. In shock.

RECEPTIONIST: "Sir, I'm so sorry to ask. There doesn't seem to be any insurance on file."
SAM: "Right. Uh, okay.
He hands her a card out of his wallet.
RECEPTIONIST: "Okay, Mr. Berkovitz."
 
Another town, another fake ID. After settling that little issue, Sam wanders over to talk to the officers, and it suddenly becomes apparent that there is no menace here at all, only gratitude for the child saving, and sympathy for how that turned out. Sam is still dazed and distracted, struggling to focus on the conversation.

SAM: "We were just taking a shortcut through the neighbourhood. And, um, the windows were rolled down; we heard some screaming as we drove past the house. And we stopped. Ran in."
OFFICER: "And you found the kids in the basement?"
SAM: "Yeah."
OFFICER: "Well, thank God you did."

Gratitude for what they do is something of a rarity. Kinda makes you wonder what the police believe it was that had attacked or kidnapped those kids. It's more usual for the boys' life saving work to either go completely unnoticed, or be totally misunderstood so that they are just seen as troublemakers to be run out of town. But the gratitude and appreciation being bestowed on them here is something of a hollow victory, as becomes immediately apparent when Sam scurries over to talk to the doctor the moment he appears.

SAM: "Hey, Doc. Is he –?"
DOCTOR: "He's resting."
SAM: "And?"
DOCTOR: "The electrocution triggered a heart attack. Pretty massive, I'm afraid. His heart – it's damaged."
SAM: "How damaged?"

The look on Sam's face is fast sliding from shock to devastation. Denial. The doctor is not telling him what he wants to hear.

DOCTOR: "We've done all we can. We can try and keep him comfortable at this point. But, I'd give him a couple weeks, at most, maybe a month."
SAM: "No, no. There's – there's gotta be something you can do, some kind of treatment."
DOCTOR: "We can't work miracles. I really am sorry."

Tears in Sam's eyes. Kills me every time.

Cut to Dean's hospital room, and, oh, but it hurts to see Dean – who is usually always so active and athletic – lying in that hospital bed hooked up to machines, all pale and worn, and with huge dark shadows around his eyes. He's flicking through TV channels without any actual interest, lethargic, when Sam arrives and stands at the foot of his bed looking like Superman just fell out of the sky at his feet. You don't ever think of your family as mortal. You just think how they're your family and are always going to be there. Even when you've already, recently in Sam's case, had it driven home for you in the most painful fashion just how fragile human life really is.

DEAN [sounding weak]: "Have you ever actually watched daytime TV? It's terrible."
SAM: "I talked to your doctor."
DEAN: "That fabric softener teddy bear. Oh, I'm gonna hunt that little bitch down."

Even now, Dean would do anything rather than talk about what's actually going on.

SAM: "Dean."
DEAN: "Yeah. [He turns the TV off.] All right, well, looks like you're gonna leave town without me."
SAM: "What are you talking about? I'm not gonna leave you here."
DEAN: "Hey, you better take care of that car. Or, I swear, I'll haunt your ass."
SAM [nearly crying]: "I don't think that's funny."
DEAN: "Oh, come on, it's a little funny."
They are both silent for a moment. Sam is in bits, still trying not to break down.
DEAN: "Look, Sammy, what can I say, man, it's a dangerous gig. I drew the short straw. That's it, end of story."

Dean's reacting pretty much as you'd expect him to, on the surface at least – all matter-of-fact fatalism. It sucks, but that's how it is, nothing anyone can do: deal with it. He's never going to let it show how he really feels, especially not in the face of Sam's obvious distress over the diagnosis. Even now, he's trying to make it easier for Sam, even if all he can do for his little brother is not fall apart himself. If Sam needs him to be strong, then he'll try to be strong, weakened though he is.

SAM: "Don't talk like that, all right? We still have options."
DEAN: "What options? You got burial or cremation."

And there a hint of bitterness creeps into Dean's voice, the first – just about only – hint of how he really feels about what he's facing here.

DEAN: "I know it's not easy. But I'm gonna die. And you can't stop it."
SAM: "Watch me."

Sam is moving fast from outright denial into anger and determination. And we know how single-minded Sam can be when he's set his heart on something, prepared to put everything he's got into pursuing his goal at all costs. The next scene sees him sitting on a motel bed surrounded by leaflets and pamphlets, page after page of research: as much information about hearts, malfunction thereof, as he's been able to get his hands on. Research is always Sam's first port of refuge in a crisis.

Dean has been in danger before, but Sam hasn't reacted quite like this before. This is a medical condition, not a monster he can fight off with gun or blade. Harder to fight. Scarier. It's also the third episode in a row where Dean has drawn the short straw and come off worse for wear, and maybe there's also some residual guilt coming into play here about Sam's own culpability in all that. He's been making his brother's life a lot harder than it needed to be, just lately, and he's suddenly run out of time to put that right.

VOICEMAIL: "This is John Winchester. I can't be reached. If this is an emergency, call my son, Dean. 866-907-32-35. He can help."
SAM [close to tears again]: "Hey, Dad. It's Sam. Uh…you probably won't even get this, but, uh…. It's Dean. He's sick, and uh…the doctors say there's nothing they can do. Um…but, uh, they don't know the things we know, right? So, don't worry, 'cause, uh…I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get him better. All right…just wanted you to know."

John never responds to that message, as is confirmed in the penultimate episode, and we never even get a hint of how he reacts to it – does he realise from the message just how serious it is? Does he just assume they'll take care of it, have faith in Sam's conviction that he'll find a solution? Or is he unable to respond, due to his own circumstances? I'd really like to know, to understand John's character better. After all, he was able to contact them in the last two episodes to give them new cases to work – both of them dangerous jobs that ended up getting Dean injured and/or almost killed. And yet he never calls back when he's told his son is dying. I want to know that there's a reason for that, that he was climbing the walls with worry. I want to sympathise with him. But as things stand, at the end of season one, I just really don't.

Listening to the message on John's answerphone directing all callers to Dean…well, Dean's had a few close shaves now. Hearing the message and knowing that Dean wouldn't be able to help anyone who called at the moment – and maybe never again – strikes a horribly poignant chord. How does John sleep at night, knowing the kind of work he's left his sons to do and having no way of knowing whether or not they're all right?

Anyway. There's a knock at the motel door, and Sam gets a really wary, shifty look about him, all 'the only person I know in this town is dying in hospital and is the source of my current woe, so who the hell is this?' He opens the door and finds Dean standing there, all hunched over in his hoodie – and since when does Dean wear hoodies? He's been raiding Sam's wardrobe in his sickness – and leaning against the doorpost for support, and still dying, but on the doorstep instead of safely tucked up in his hospital bed. Sam is adorably delighted-yet-dismayed to see him there, all checked-myself-out of hospital bravado.

SAM: "You know, this whole I-laugh-in-the-face-of-death thing? It's crap. I can see right through it."

Since Dean – as subsequent dialogue will shortly reveal – is now already three days into the two, three, possibly four weeks he has left to live, he's just too damn tired to bother arguing and settles for a weary, "Yeah, whatever, dude," followed by a touch of that good old Winchester staple, the diversion tactic. "Have you even slept? You look worse than me."

I don't know why he even bothers asking, since it was established as far back as the second episode that Sam Does Not Sleep when he's upset/worried/stressed about anything. If, as hypothesised in Home, Dean was the child who had his parents (later parent, singular) permanently frantic with worry that he'd poisoned himself due to his habit of putting everything he found in his mouth in case it was edible, Sam would have been the child who drove his parents (okay, parent) to distraction by being permanently awake, 24/7. And I think I just talked myself into a glimmer of sympathy for harassed single parent John, struggling to raise his troublesome two and hunt demons simultaneously.

Rather tellingly, Dean allows Sam to help him over to a chair without protest, his breathing laboured after the exertion of getting from the hospital to the motel. I'm very impressed by Jensen's performance as Dying!Dean since, despite being persistently dwarfed by his giant of a co-star, he's a not insubstantial 6 feet tall, but manages to make himself look incredibly small and frail, all pale and hunched over and in pain.

Sam explains that he's spent the last three days scouring the Internet, and calling every contact in John's journal. This tells us several important things. It tells us that, as mentioned previously, Dean is now three days closer to his already worryingly imminent death. It reminds us that when Sam has set his mind on something he really is like a dog with a bone about it. And it tells us that Sam has waited three days to inform John of his oldest son's terminal condition.

It is also fairly clear that Dean himself has made no such attempt to contact his dad with the bad news. And I hope that Sam has been taking time away from his research-frenzy to actually spend some time visiting his dying brother in the hospital, rather than leaving him there all alone for three days to ponder his death sentence and the torture that is daytime TV.
 
SAM: "One of Dad's friends, Joshua, he called me back. Told me about a guy in Nebraska. A specialist."

This is why Sam waited until now to call John. He waited until he had a glimmer of hope. Because, without that glimmer of hope, he was just calling with bad news, and saying it out loud would make it real.

DEAN: "You're not gonna let me die in peace, are you?"
SAM: "I'm not gonna let you die, period. We're going."

If Dean was very much in charge in the teaser, taking the lead and making the decisions, carrying the responsibility, now that Dean is so sick the roles have reversed completely. Sam is stepping right up to the challenge of taking his turn in the driver's seat, with that single-minded determination that's so characteristic of him. His turn to assume responsibility and take charge of the situation. No longer being looked after, but doing the looking after for once.

Sam's determination to save his brother really is touching. He's just made this huge decision/realisation that they have to stick together because they're all they've got. And almost immediately he's faced with losing his brother, who in John's absence is the only family he's got left, and his reaction shows exactly how he feels about that. With Dean gone, Sam would be completely alone in the world, cast adrift. He's just not going to let it happen, not going to take 'nothing anyone can do' for an answer – taking Dean's crown as king of denial. Sam is always absolutely unwavering when he has his sights set on a particular goal, utterly blinkered in his pursuit of what he wants. And what he wants right now is to fix his big brother. Somehow – anyhow.

Cut to: the Impala driving onto a muddy field in Nebraska. There's a house in the middle of the field, and alongside it sits a large white tent, surrounded by cars. The constant traffic has churned the field up into a mudbath, through which the sick and the maimed must make their way into said tent past a sign proclaiming: 'The Church of Roy LeGrange. Faith Healer. Witness The Miracle'. Seeing this, as he wearily struggles to get out of the car, Dean is dismayed.

DEAN: "Man, you are a lying bastard. Thought you said we were going to see a doctor."
SAM: "I believe I said a specialist. Look, Dean, this guy's supposed to be the real deal."
DEAN: "I can't believe you brought me here to see some guy who heals people out of a tent."

Watch Sam sprint around the car to try to help Dean out, fluttering and fussing and just so damn eager to try to help make things a little easier for Dean now he's sick. But Dean as prickly as a hedgehog about all the fuss and won't accept it, can't accept it. It's usually Dean looking after Sam in a lot of very subtle ways that half the time Sam doesn't even notice, rather than the other way around.

That's a large part of the reason Dean is so uncomfortable with Sam fluttering around him. Partly, of course, it's that he's a genuine bloke and as such sees being fussed over as an affront to his male pride. But also, Dean is just not used to being looked after. He's spent his entire life since their mother died being a protective big brother to Sam and a good little soldier for John. And that life has made him who he is. Sam is used to being looked after, takes it for granted most of the time, and here is trying rather clumsily to return a little of it. But Dean is used to doing everything for himself – used to having to do everything for himself. Being weak makes him deeply uncomfortable.

As they head into the tent, past an angry protestor, Dean continues to grumble.

DEAN: "I mean, come on, Sam, a faith healer?"
SAM: "Maybe it's time to have a little faith, Dean."
DEAN: "You know what I've got faith in? Reality. Knowing what's really going on."
SAM: "How can you be a sceptic? With the things we see everyday?"
DEAN: "Exactly. We see them, we know they're real."
SAM: "But if you know evil's out there, how can you not believe good's out there, too?"
DEAN: "Because I've seen what evil does to good people."

They are holding this conversation, which borders on inexplicable to people not in the know, right out there in public as they walk toward the tent among the streams of sick people also hoping for a miracle. So it really can't come as that much of a surprise that someone should overhear and feel moved to comment.

"Maybe God works in mysterious ways," says random passer-by Layla. She's pretty and blonde. Dean changes his tune immediately. He might be dying, but that's no reason not to flirt….
 
DEAN: "Maybe he does. I think you just turned me around on the subject."
LAYLA [laughing]: "Yeah, I'm sure."

Nice that they got that line in there early, as foreshadowing, rather than cheesily shoehorning it in at the end because, as it turns out, Layla really does alter Dean's perspective of faith.

LAYLA: "So, if you're not a believer, then why are you here?"
DEAN: "Well, apparently my brother here believes enough for the both of us."

Faith. Such a well-named episode, as the subject of faith – many meanings and interpretations thereof – is raised again and again, in all kinds of contexts.

They head into the tent, wherein Dean's natural cynicism rises another notch on seeing a security camera monitoring proceedings. "Yeah, peace, love and trust all over."

Dean heads for a nicely anonymous seat at the back, but Sam promptly hauls him up front, or as close to it as they can get. Dean might be deeply sceptical and uncomfortable with the idea of a faith healer, but for Sam, this is it: this is what he's pinning his every last hope upon. There's a whole congregation full of the hopeful sick potentially standing between Sam and the miracle he's come here for, so every little helps. Sit up front, make Dean take the aisle seat, hope he's more noticeable there. Layla and her mother are apparently thinking along similar lines, as they sit right in front of the boys.

As the healer, Roy LeGrange, begins his service, Sam notices an unusual cross – a coptic cross – on stage. Next to him, Dean is looking very tired once more, still unhappy about even being here.

ROY: "Who does the healing here, friends? The Lord, who guides me in choosing who to heal by helping me see into people's hearts."
DEAN [quietly, to Sam]: "Yeah, or into their wallets."
ROY: "You think so, young man?"
The blind man has very sharp ears. The congregation goes silent; Dean is embarrassed.
DEAN: "Sorry."

Having thus inadvertently brought himself, and his scepticism, to Roy's attention, Dean now becomes the perfect subject for healing – healing a sceptic would send a powerful message, after all. So Roy invites him up onto the stage. Dean is very unwilling, still deeply uncomfortable with all this. Sam can't believe his reluctance and encourages him to just go for it, because as I said, this is Sam's last hope. For it to not work out would be devastating, because with no other avenues to explore, he'd then have to face up to the grim reality he's been denying so completely since talking to Dean's doctor.

DEAN: "Maybe you should just pick someone else."
ROY: "Oh, no, I didn't pick you, Dean. The Lord did."

Dean is immensely ill at ease with the idea of being singled out like this, being the one chosen out of an entire congregation of people wanting, needing, to be healed. The congregation, however, seem more than happy for him, cheering and clapping. Except for Layla and her mother, that is, who both look dismayed that someone else has been chosen, which is a less charitable reaction, but very human, with so much at stake.

Egged on by Sam, and by almost the entire congregation, Dean reluctantly heads up to the stage, pausing to lean against a tent post en route, and helped up the steps by Roy's wife Sue-Ann, as further evidence of his weakness. Sam is on the edge of his seat, filled with anxiety that this should work, all his hopes pinned on this moment. On stage, Dean is still uneasy at being the centre of attention.

DEAN: "Look, no disrespect, but I'm not exactly a believer."
ROY: "You will be, son. You will be. Pray with me, friends."

Roy lays a hand on Dean's head, and Dean becomes very woozy almost at once, eyes glazing over. He drops to his knees, then collapses – and the congregation bursts into spontaneous applause. Curious. I wouldn't have thought someone collapsing so completely was the most obvious sign of a successful healing, but there you go. Sam's reaction is rather more fitting, rushing onto the stage to see if Dean is all right, hauling him upright and supporting his head as he comes round again. Looking up, Dean sees a distinctly corpse-like old man wearing a black suit standing behind Roy. The man looks at him – and then vanishes into thin air.

Cut to a hospital consulting room, next day.

SAM [for probably the thousandth time]: "So, you really feel okay?"
DEAN: "I feel fine, Sam."

The difference between their reactions couldn't be more marked. Sam is practically bouncing with puppy-dog excitement, absolutely over-the-moon that his plan succeeded, that he managed to save his brother's life. Dean, on the other hand, is grave and sombre, contemplative. Already knows that nothing is ever quite so easy, that nothing this big could possibly come for free. He just doesn't have the kind of innocence that Sam somehow still retains.

The doctor confirms that there is nothing wrong with Dean's heart, and no sign that there ever was. She expresses surprise that they should think there might be, given his age and good health, before going on to muse that it's strange, it does happen.

DOCTOR: "Just yesterday, a young guy like you, twenty-seven, athletic. Out of nowhere, heart attack."

So, Dean is 27 now – he's had a birthday since the Pilot. It's a few more episodes before we find out when that birthday was. Learning of this other heart attack death sets all kinds of alarm bells ringing for Dean, although Sam is very unwilling to even consider that there might be any kind of problem here, doesn't want to acknowledge the implications.

SAM: "Maybe it's a coincidence. People's hearts give out all the time, man."
DEAN: "No, they don't."
SAM: "Look, Dean, do we really have to look this one in the mouth? Why can't we just be thankful that the guy saved your life and move on?"
DEAN: "Because I can't shake this feeling, that's why."
SAM: "What feeling?"
DEAN: "When I was healed, I just – it felt wrong. I felt cold. And, for a second, I saw someone. This, uh, this old man. And I'm telling you, Sam, it was a spirit."
SAM: "But if there was something there, Dean, I think I would've seen it, too. I mean, I've been seeing an awful lot of things lately."
 
Sam can be tremendously self-absorbed. He's had two prophetic dream experiences thus far, that's all. Hardly makes him all-seeing where paranormal phenomena are concerned. And Dean quite rightly calls him on that, deadly serious about this. Sam's excitement slowly deflates.

DEAN: "Well, excuse me, psychic wonder. You're just gonna need a little faith on this one. Sam, I've been hunting long enough to trust a feeling like this."
SAM [reluctant]: "Yeah, all right. So, what do you wanna do?"
DEAN: "I want you to go check out the heart attack guy. I'm gonna visit the reverend."

At the LeGrange's house, Dean sits drinking iced tea with Roy and Sue-Ann and gently questions them, no excuses or false identity needed – as a recipient of a miraculous healing, asking questions comes under the heading of 'trying to make sense of it all', and that's all the reason they need to talk to him. Roy explains that he'd had cancer, a brain tumour that left him blind, and was expected to die – but he'd prayed hard, and Sue-Ann had prayed hard, and he was cured. The first miracle. And shortly thereafter he discovered that he had this amazing new gift of healing other sick people. He is very devout, very earnest in his self-belief. Dean nods, and moves onto another question, one that is deeply personal, rather than case-related.

DEAN: "Why? Why me? Out of all the sick people, why save me?"

He's still not comfortable about being singled out like that, unsure of his own worthiness to be saved.

ROY: "Well, like I said before, the Lord guides me. I looked into your heart, and you just stood out from all the rest."
DEAN: "What did you see in my heart?"
ROY: "A young man with an important purpose. A job to do. And it isn't finished."

Interesting – does Roy actually see that? Or believe that he sees it, at least? Or is he just saying it because it sounds good and is comforting? It becomes clear later in the episode that Roy's self-belief is absolutely genuine, and while he might not control the healing, he does control the choosing. But whether he does have a gift for 'appropriate selection', or simply picks almost randomly and then justifies it to himself and all around is another matter entirely. Either way, Dean looks uncertain how he should feel about it.

Sam, meanwhile, has found his way to a local leisure centre, where the heart attack guy apparently worked and died. A colleague confirms that the guy, Marshall Hall, had been fit and healthy, his death coming completely out of the blue, but that he'd freaked out big time just before he died, shouting that something no one else could see was coming after him. Just as Dean saw something that no one else could when he was healed. Then Sam notices that a clock on the wall has stopped, at 4.17pm – the exact time that Marshall died.

Dean leaves the LeGrange house just in time to meet Layla and her mother on their way in, which is rather unfortunate timing – especially since Sue-Ann promptly informs them that Roy is resting now and won't be receiving any more visitors. Mrs Rourke protests that this is their sixth time; that Roy has got to see them. Sue-Ann remains unmoved in the face of such desperation that borders on outright rudeness.

SUE-ANN: "Roy is well aware of Layla's situation. And he very much wants to help just as soon as the Lord allows. Have faith, Mrs. Rourke."

Knowing what we later learn about Sue-Ann, that's a lot more sinister than it first seems – playing games with people's lives. Manipulative. It's about power. Thus rebuffed, Mrs Rourke gives Dean a look that is pure poison, and he is more than a little taken aback with the venom with which she castigates him just for having been chosen for healing when her daughter wasn't.

MRS. ROURKE: "Layla, this is too much. We've been to every single service. If Roy would stop choosing these strangers over you, strangers who don't even believe. I just can't pray any harder."

Layla, it seems, has an inoperable brain tumour that will kill her within six months. Already feeling uneasy about his healing, about being chosen, Dean looks stricken.

"Why do you deserve to live more than my daughter?" Mrs Rourke snarls at him.

Since Dean was already questioning Roy's decision to choose him over all the other needy people in that congregation, that very bitter accusation really strikes home. It's also entirely inappropriate. Why, in turn, should Layla deserve to live more than Dean? Who has the right to decide that one life is more valuable than another? They were both terminally ill going into the service, and Dean's death sentence was a lot more imminent than Layla's – a matter of days, or weeks if he was lucky, rather than months. The congregation was full of sick and injured people, and only one was singled out for healing, mostly on a whim, no matter what Roy told Dean about the reasoning behind his selection. Playing God with people's lives, and messing with their minds.

Dean heads back to the latest motel, despondent, and asks Sam what he's found out about the heart attack guy. Sam, sitting at the laptop, can't even look at him.

SAM: "I'm sorry."
DEAN: "Sorry about what?"
SAM: "Marshall Hall died at 4:17."
DEAN: "The exact time I was healed."

I like that Sam just apologises, straight away. He's already seen Dean's reaction to just the idea that someone else might have died for his healing, knows how he'll react now it is confirmed. With the air of a man describing a train wreck, Sam continues to outline his research, explaining that there have been six healings in the past year, and that every time someone was healed, someone else died of the same symptoms. It seems there is no such thing as a free healing, after all – miracles come at a very steep price.

SAM: "Somehow, LeGrange – he's trading a life for another."

So…does that mean Roy is only healing people who are dying? What about someone who goes to him because they are crippled, or have been blinded, or something, but whose lives are in no danger? Also, it soon becomes apparent that there's no age or gender correlation between the person being healed and the victim taking their place, so the fact that Dean and Marshall Hall were the same age and gender was an enormous coincidence.

Anyway, Dean is absolutely appalled, his worst fears confirmed.

DEAN: "So Marshall Hall died to save me?"
SAM: "Dean, the guy probably would've died anyway. And someone else would've been healed."

He looks so anxious, needing to justify Dean's healing to them both, since he just can't bring himself to regret that Dean was healed before they found out about the downside. Dean obviously does, though.

DEAN: "You never should've brought me here."
SAM: "Dean, I was just trying to save your life."
DEAN: "But, Sam, some guy is dead now because of me."
SAM: "I didn't know."

Sam is conflicted, and also upset. Upset that the miracle he was so desperate for has turned out to have come at such a high price, and upset that Dean is so devastated by it. Because it is perfectly clear that Dean would give it back if he could, that he doesn't believe his life is worth Marshall Hall's death. Sam just wanted to do this huge thing for his brother, and invested everything he had in achieving it, oblivious to any other considerations. He was completely unprepared for there to be any consequences. But consequences there are, both in terms of the wider issue of Roy's healing in general, and how he's doing it – the case they now have to work – and consequences for Dean personally, who is going to have to live with the burden of Marshall Hall's death on his conscience.

SAM: "The thing I don't understand is how is Roy doing it? How's he trading a life for a life?"
DEAN: "Oh, he's not doing it. Something else is doing it for him."
SAM: "What do you mean?"
DEAN: "The old man I saw on stage. I didn't wanna believe it, but deep down I knew it."
SAM: "You knew what? What are you talking about?"
DEAN: "There's only one thing that can give and take life like that. We're dealing with a reaper."

While the boys hold this conversation, a musical montage ('Don't Fear the Reaper!') shows us just how the healings work in what I presume is a flashback of another recent healing. While Roy prays and lays his hands on an elderly man using an oxygen tube to breathe, a young girl out jogging in the park runs in terror from the corpse-like figure Dean saw when he was healed, the reaper. As the old man in the tent is healed, to the accompaniment of rapturous applause, the reaper appears in front of the girl and lays his hands on her. She collapses, choking – dying. Her life traded for that of the old man in Roy's tent, and his beatific smile of delight and the applause of the congregation suddenly become gruesome and sinister. If only they knew about the price.

Still at the motel, later, Sam and Dean are hard at work researching reapers. Although Sam would still dearly love to believe that they're wrong about this, Dean is certain, and Sam is following his lead, trusting his instincts – and knows, deep down, that his brother is right, whether he wants to face up to the implications or not.

DEAN: "There's reaper lore in pretty much every culture on Earth. Go by a hundred different names. It's possible that there's more than one of 'em."
SAM: "But you said you saw a dude in a suit."
DEAN: "Well, what, you think he should've been workin' the whole black robe thing? You said it yourself that the clock stopped, right? Reapers stop time. And you can only see 'em when they're comin' at you, which is why I could see it and you couldn't."
SAM: "Maybe."
DEAN: "There's nothing else it could be, Sam."

The question is – how is Roy controlling it? Then Sam remembers the coptic cross he saw on stage, and pulls the Death card out from a tarot pack.

SAM: "Tarot dates back to the early Christian era, right? When some priests were still using magic? And a few of them veered into the dark stuff. Necromancy, and how to push death away, how to cause it.
DEAN: "So, Roy is using black magic to bind the reaper?"
SAM: "If he is, he's riding the whirlwind. It's like putting a dog leash on a Great White."

Such a fabulous analogy!

DEAN: "Okay, then we stop Roy."
SAM: "How?"
DEAN: "You know how."
SAM: "Wait, what the hell are you talking about, Dean? We can't kill Roy."
DEAN: "Sam, the guy's playing God, he's deciding who lives and who dies, that's a monster in my book."

He says it pretty calmly, too, but that is how upset he is about this. Emotions must be an absolute tumult beneath that very controlled exterior, what with the terminal diagnosis and then being singled out of the many to be healed, and not feeling worthy, followed by guilt over Marshall Hall, and Layla, and everything. And it was Roy, the so-called healer, who put him in this position by playing God with peoples' lives.

In the face of Dean's cold fury, Sam maintains a level head and provides the voice of reason. They can't kill a human being, no matter what he might be doing, and whether or not his sins can ever be proved in human law. They faced a similar dilemma last episode, with the townspeople knowingly sacrificing people to their scarecrow-god. In the same way, all they can do here is try to put an end to the healing – that is the most justice they can ever achieve for those who have already died. And that means finding out how it is being controlled, and how to break the spell.

So, the Impala splashes back onto the muddy field containing Roy's tent church. With a service due to start shortly, Sam heads for Roy's house in search of a spell book, while Dean goes into the tent, hoping to stall Roy and prevent him healing anyone else. En route, they pause to offer verbal support to the protestor, still trying hard to dissuade the hopeful from entering.

Sam gains entry to the LeGrange house through a window, and then pulls out his trusty lock-pick to pick the lock of an inside door. That amuses me – lock doors inside the house but leave the windows open. He finds Roy's study, bookshelves well stocked but thick with dust – the books are no use to Roy now he is blind, after all. Sue-Ann clearly isn't much of a reader. But there is just one spot on the shelves that remains dust-free – Sam's discovery of this fact is a little over-emphasised, but we shan't dwell on that. He pulls the book out – a hefty encyclopaedia of Christian history – and flicks through. Nothing useful in there. Then he notices another, much smaller book tucked in behind it, drops the encyclopaedia on the floor – which has the bookworm in me screaming in horror every time – and pulls it out. Jackpot. One spellbook. Tucked into it are newspaper clippings about Marshall Hall, who it seems made headlines as an openly gay teacher, and the girl who died in the park, some kind of pro-abortion campaigner. And there's a third article – about the protestor the boys just spoke to outside.

Sam calls Dean to let him know that protestor David is next in line, that the victims are being selected because they are seen as 'immoral', and tells him not to let Roy heal anyone.

Easier said than done. Roy calls Layla up to the stage, and she is delighted to be chosen at last, having waited so long and with such great faith, albeit also with some impatience. Dean's job just got a whole lot harder. Which, obviously, is the whole point of the character. But no matter how much he feels for her, he has to try to stop her being healed and tries to head her off before she gets to the stage.

DEAN: "You can't let Roy heal you."
LAYLA: "I don't understand. I mean, Roy healed you, didn't he? Why wouldn't I at least let him try?"
DEAN: "Because if you do, something bad is gonna happen. I can't explain, I just need you to believe me."

Dean just can't do subtle. He can't think of a lie that will work here, and he doesn't have time to go into the full truth even if she would believe it, but his vague pleading works no better here than it did last episode. Layla has waited months for her healing, she tells him. Her mother is there egging her on, as desperate for this to work for her as Sam was for Dean. She doesn't want to die. Why would she listen when some guy she met just yesterday tells her not to even try, but without offering any compelling reason why? She goes up onto the stage, and Dean is dismayed because he can't allow her to be healed. Days like this he must really hate his job, no matter what he says. Can't save everyone.

Out in the parking lot, protestor David screams for help as the reaper comes after him. Sam goes rushing to his aid, not that he's actually able to do much for him, since he can't see the reaper. But he does help the man to at least try to outrun it.

In the tent, Roy lays his hands on Layla's head. Out of time, Dean improvises, yelling loudly that the tent is on fire. The service breaks up in confusion, as Roy's minders hurry him to safety. Layla is confused and upset, her mother is horrified, and Dean is more conflicted than ever, hating himself for ruining it for her even while knowing he had no choice.

Dean calls Sam to let him know that Roy has been stopped. But, out in the parking lot, the reaper is still coming after David, laying hands on him, and he collapses, his face going grey. Sam yells into the phone that it hasn't worked – it isn't Roy controlling the reaper after all. Startled to hear this, Dean looks around – and sees Sue-Ann placidly standing in a corner of the tent with her back to him. The real culprit.

Sue-Ann is standing there all alone, holding another coptic cross on a chain around her neck and chanting in Latin. So she was continuing the healing, despite the fact that the service had ended? Wonder how she'd have explained that if she'd been able to finish it! She isn't able to finish it, though, quickly falling silent and hiding her coptic cross when Dean challenges her. Then she screams for help, which is a ploy you've just got to appreciate. A woman, alone with a man – screaming blue murder is just so simple and obvious a way of getting out of the confrontation, and with his word against hers, he's just never going to talk his way out of it. It's a small town, she's the preacher's wife, and he's just some scruffy unemployed drifter passing through. But protestor David has been saved, at least.

Thicko Cops #1 and #2 haul Dean out of the tent church, with Sue-Ann playing the righteously indignant card for all she's worth.

SUE-ANN: "I just don't understand. After everything we've done for you, after Roy healed you. I'm just very disappointed, Dean. [to the sheriffs] You can let him go, I'm not gonna press charges. The Lord will deal with him as he sees fit."

She knows he's onto her. And, with thirteen minutes still to go, viewers immediately realise that he's in big trouble now.

Before he can take so much as two paces, Dean is confronted by Layla, and the fact that she challenges him so calmly and reasonably has got to make him feel ten times worse than he already does about denying her the healing she craves. Especially since there's no adequate explanation he can give, not one she will understand.

LAYLA: "Why would you do that, Dean? When it could've been my only chance."
DEAN: "He's not a healer."
LAYLA: "He healed you."
DEAN: "I know it doesn't seem fair. And I wish I could explain, but Roy is not the answer. I'm sorry."

Dean has already been healed – from Layla's point of view it has got to seem horribly unfair. And he can't tell her how he really feels about his healing, that he will always have Marshall Hall on his conscience, and can't offer her the choice of saving her life at the expense of someone else's, or ask whether she'd want to live with that burden. You just know that Layla is also going to have a place on his conscience.

LAYLA [sadly]: "Goodbye, Dean. I wish you luck, I really do."
DEAN [awkward]: "Same to you. [He watches her leave; then murmurs to himself]. You deserve it a lot more than me."

He still doesn't think he deserved to be chosen. He's devoted his life to saving others, and now feels responsible for both taking a life and for preventing another being saved. This is a gig where he just can't win. Then, on the way back to the car, Dean overhears Roy telling Mrs Rourke that he will heal Layla that night in a private session. They are going to have to deny Layla her chance to live all over again.

Earlier on, Sam said that there had been only six healings in a year. If this service had gone ahead, it would have been two in two days. There's something screwy about the timeline here – if Roy is holding daily services, and expects to heal someone every time, has the reputation for doing so, why have there only been six healings in a year? Has he stepped up the frequency of services that dramatically, just for this week?

Back at the motel, the boys talk through the case some more. Dean's anger has completely dissipated now, and he just seems deeply sad about the whole messy saga, sorry for just about everyone involved, and weary, because there's nothing he can do for those still in need of healing. The healings have to be stopped, once and for all. But he will still have his, whether fairly given or not. Sam, on the other hand, is just coming to the boil.

SAM: [showing the spellbook] "It's ancient. Written by a priest who went dark side. There's a binding spell in here for trapping a reaper."
DEAN: "Must be a hell of a spell."
SAM: "Yeah. You've got to build a black altar, with seriously dark stuff: bones, human blood. To cross the line like that, a preacher's wife. Black magic, murder. Evil."

Sam is starting to sound as harsh and unforgiving of Sue-Ann as Dean was about Roy earlier. Then, Dean was blaming Roy for his own turbulent emotions. Here, Sam is probably deeply uncomfortable with how much he can identify with Sue-Ann – after all, he brought Dean here in the first place because he was absolutely desperate for a miracle, and never stopped to consider what the cost might be. So he compensates by transferring to her any anger he's feeling toward himself. Because it was Sam who insisted they come here, which led to Dean's healing, which led to Marshall Hall's death. But he can't be properly angry with himself, or feel properly guilty, because that would mean he regretted Dean's healing, and he can't do that. Would he have still gone through with it if he'd known the truth? He probably really doesn't want to consider that question. It's horribly confusing, all that conflicted emotion. So he transfers it to Sue-Ann, happy to paint her as the evil villain of the piece for his own peace of mind.

"Desperate," says Dean, a lot more willing to empathise now that he understands how it all came about. "Her husband was dying, she'd have done anything to save him. She was using the binding spell to keep the reaper away from Roy."

That much is understandable. But the fact that Sue-Ann is continuing to use the spell, just for the sake of Roy's reputation as a faith healer and because she clearly draws satisfaction from the power it gives her over life and death, that's not so understandable, or forgivable. The healing still has to be stopped – and quickly, because Roy plans to heal Layla that night. There's the black altar to find, and also Sue-Ann's Coptic cross that seems to be another part of the ritual – both will have to be destroyed to be sure.

After dark, the Impala pulls onto the mudfield outside Roy's tent chuch yet again. Layla's car is already here, and Dean is deeply troubled, knowing what their actions tonight will mean for her.

DEAN: "You know, if Roy would have picked Layla instead of me, she'd be healed right now."
SAM: "Dean, don't."
DEAN: "And if she's not healed tonight, she's gonna die in a couple months."
SAM: "What's happening to her is horrible. But, what are you gonna do? Let somebody else die to save her? You said it yourself, Dean. You can't play God."

That's the right tone to take – there's nothing Sam can say that will make Dean feel better about what's happened and what they still have to do, so keeping him focused on the job at hand is absolutely the right way to play it.

Roy's private service for Layla is already getting underway in the tent church, but Sue-Ann isn't there. So Dean distracts Thicko Cops #1 and #2 and leads them off on a wild goose chase around the parking lot so that Sam is free to search the house for Sue-Ann. A glimmer of light draws Sam's attention to the cellar, so he heads down there.

Dean disturbs a dog in a campervan, which barks madly and draws the attention of the Thicko Cops, but they don't see Dean and wander off again. Dean then appears on the roof of the campervan, where he has taken refuge. Can you say 'filler scene'?

Down in the cellar, Sam finds Sue-Ann's black altar. The camera pans back and fore across the occult items strewn across it before focusing on a photograph of Dean, clearly pulled from that security camera he noticed when they first arrived, his face crossed out with blood. The next victim has been lined up, Dean is out there on his own, oblivious to the danger he's in, and the service to heal Layla has already started.

Recently, it's been like a game of 'how many episodes in a row can we place Dean in mortal peril?' Keep counting, as this trend will continue awhile yet. And now this episode is turning into 'how often can we place Dean in mortal peril in one episode?'

"I gave your brother life, and I can take it away," says Sue-Ann from behind Sam. Woman is seriously power-crazed. While Sam hurriedly smashes the altar, Sue-Ann just as hurriedly locks him in the cellar and proceeds to monologue at him at length from outside, maniacally justifying her actions. "Sam, can't you see? The Lord chose me to reward the just and punish the wicked. And your brother is wicked. And he deserves to die, just as Layla deserves to live. It's God's will. Goodbye, Sam."

Sam isn't listening – he's found a teeny window elsewhere in the cellar and is already working hard at breaking his way outta there. But seriously, there's no way he's going to fit his shoulders through a window that small!

In the tent church, Layla's healing gets underway, while out in the parking lot Dean is wandering aimlessly, having shaken off his police pursuit. He's found his way to a less muddy, more civilised section of the field, where a row of actual street lights stand proud. But as he stands under them, the lights start to shut down, one by one. The reaper is coming for him.

He looks scared, but makes no attempt to flee from it. Not knowing what he knows, knowing that someone has already died for his healing. Can't outrun death – he was resigned to that fact at the start of this episode, when he was first given his diagnosis. Dean isn't afraid of dying, and no doubt finds comfort in the thought of Layla being healed instead if the reaper can't be stopped in time. He's completely reliant on Sam now.

While Sue-Ann stands clutching her coptic cross and chanting away in Latin, and Roy's healing ritual gets well and truly under way, the reaper lays its hands on Dean, who drops to his knees in agony. I guess he's getting six months' worth of death by brain tumour crammed into a few short moments. In the tent, Layla also drops to her knees, but while Dean is moaning in pain, she is completely at peace.

But Sam comes through. Having escaped the cellar, despite the tiny-ness of the window, he finds Sue-Ann and wastes absolutely no time at all, snatching the coptic cross from her and throwing it onto the ground, where it shatters – apparently he managed to find the only patch of hard ground in the entire mudfield. There's blood inside it. That's icky.

Aghast, Sue-Ann screeches a horrified protest, while the puzzled looking reaper releases Dean, who just about collapses all over again. And, in the tent church, Roy also takes his hand from Layla, looking lost all of a sudden and calling for Sue-Ann. The spell has been broken, and he can feel it – he must have been connected to the healing ritual somehow, even if he wasn't controlling it. Layla is confused, not feeling any different, knowing that it hasn't worked.

And then the released reaper turns on Sue-Ann, since she had made it a slave, which is pretty predictable really, and provides an easy resolution to the case – the Reaper kills her, which saves everyone the trouble of finding a way to not let her get away with murder, and of preventing her trying to pull the same trick again. And Layla doesn't get her healing, but because she'd been up there on stage with the preacher she doesn't know why, but is left to just assume it was one of those things. Not meant to be.

Sam arrives back at the Impala just in time to see a very shaken looking Dean leaning heavily on the car for support while he gets his breath back. Sam immediately asks if he's okay, realising just how much of a close call it was. "Hell of a week," says Dean. And Sam has to agree. It really has been.

Cut to the motel room, later. Sam is pottering around, packing ready to leave. Dean sits on the edge of the bed and broods. Sam doesn't always notice his brother's moods, not least because Dean is usually so good at concealing them, but he can't fail to notice this one.

SAM: "What is it?"
DEAN: "Nothing."
SAM: "What is it?"
DEAN: "We did the right thing here, didn't we?"
SAM: "Of course we did."
DEAN: "Doesn't feel like it."

I like that Sam doesn't take 'nothing' for an answer there but pushes a bit harder, and that Dean is willing to give a little to that pushing, for once. He's saved from having to say anything else by a knock at the door. It's Layla.

Sam promptly comes over all adorkable and kid brotherly, because it was him who called and asked her to come say goodbye. Because he knew Dean was brooding over her fate and the fact that they prevented her being healed, the fact that he was healed instead of her, and this is an episode of Sam trying hard to fulfil what he thinks his brother needs. Not sure how he got Layla's number, though. And – while there was a definite connection between Dean and Layla, from her point of view surely he's still just some guy she met in a field who got healed right before her eyes and then tried to stop her receiving the same healing for no good reason that he was able to give her.

But she's an understanding and forgiving sort, so she's come to say goodbye. And it's kind of a sweet scene, if a little cheesy. Sam makes himself scarce, and Layla tells Dean that she went back to see Roy despite his warnings, but that nothing happened – Roy wasn't able to heal her. Dean tells her he's sorry. And he really means that, more than she'll ever know.

DEAN: "It must be rough. To believe in something so much, and have it disappoint you like that."
LAYLA: "You wanna hear something weird?"
DEAN: "Hmm?"
LAYLA: "I'm okay. Really. I guess, if you're gonna have faith, you can't just have it when the miracles happen. You have to have it when they don't."

Dean is well impressed. "So, what now?" he asks.

Seems pretty obvious to me what happens now – without that intangible pot of gold at the end of the rainbow to chase after, Layla will get on with the business of making the most of what life she has left, and then she'll die. She doesn't point that out, though, just shrugs. "God works in mysterious ways."

As she goes to leave, Dean calls after her. "I'm not much of the prayin' type. But…I'm gonna pray for you."

Layla is deeply touched. See, she really did turn him around on the subject, just like he said, way back when he was being flippant and flirtatious because all he had to worry about was dying, rather than having all these other lives on his conscience. "Well," she says. "There's a miracle right there."

Dean watches her go, still looking troubled and conflicted. Man, he's had a tough time of it the last few episodes.

Time for the boys to move on once again.


September 2006

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