Supernatural 4.17 It's A Terrible Life

"I don't believe in destiny. I do believe in dealing with what's right in front of us, though."

This was great. Fantastic. After the intense downward spiral of the last few episodes, particularly the oh-so bleak ending of On The Head Of A Pin, it is hardly surprising that the writers wanted to step back for a moment and inject a little breath of fresh air back into the season. What is most impressive about this episode, however, is how cleverly they found a way to switch abruptly from the utter despair of On The Head Of A Pin to the light-hearted humour found here in It's A Terrible Life without giving viewers whiplash, as has happened in the past. That tonal shift was built into the plot as part of the central mystery of the episode and it worked, tying into the end of the last episode to give Dean a reason to keep fighting. The result is a truly brilliant episode, real back-to-basics stuff full of subtle depth and symbolism, the brothers freed from the burdens and complications of their past and allowed to reconnect as equals: a poignant and beautiful reminder of where they once stood with one another, while at the same time full of subtle references to their current situation, both as individuals and together.

Then

Dean was rescued from hell by an angel because heaven had work for him. The demon Alistair beat him almost to death and revealed that Dean had been the one to break the first Seal, inadvertently kick-starting the Apocalypse. Castiel confirmed this and Dean despaired. He despaired even more when Castiel told him that because he had been the one to start it, he was also the only one who could end it. Shattered right to his core, body and soul, Dean brokenly pleaded with the angel to find someone else.

That was a very Dean-centric teaser, implying that this new episode should pick up roughly where the last one left off, right…?

Now

ZOMG this opening sequence is to die for.

The Kinks' A Well Respected Man plays on the soundtrack as an alarm clock chimes 6am and a young man gets out of bed…and it is Dean. Dean as we have never seen him before. He is in a swanky apartment. He dresses in an eye-catching bright blue pin-stripe shirt with white collar and cuffs, bright red braces and bright red tie. He is clean-shaven, so that we actually get to see that perfect bone structure without his usual scruffy stubble getting in the way. And his hair! He's wearing his hair with a side parting, all smart and respectable and Average Joe! I think I might die.



He makes himself a steamed latte with rice milk, business section of the newspaper in hand. Then he pulls on a suit jacket and heads out to the car carrying his flask. And…and…he's driving a silver Toyota Prius! I think I might die again.

The soundtrack cuts out briefly when Dean turns the radio on. Classic rock is playing…but he grimaces at it and changes station until he finds a business report. He drives away. Viewers blink in amazement and wonder where this Stepford Dean came from and what happened to the real one.

The soundtrack picks up again as Dean drives away, having skipped the couple of lines that are most significant here, so I'll quote some of the lyrics:

'Cause he gets up in the morning,
And he goes to work at nine,
And he comes back home at five-thirty,
Gets the same train every time.
'Cause his world is built 'round punctuality,
It never fails.

And he's oh, so good,
And he's oh, so fine,
And he's oh, so healthy,
In his body and his mind.
He's a well respected man about town,
Doing the best things so conservatively.

Healthy in body and mind. That doesn't sound much like the physically and emotionally shattered Dean we left at the end of On The Head Of A Pin. But the Dean we're seeing here, obliviously living the conservative life of that well respected man about town? This Dean does look pretty healthy in body and mind.

Laptop case slung over a shoulder, tapping away at his blackberry, Dean arrives for work at the sky-rise offices of Sandover Bridge & Iron Inc, greeting various people on the way in. He heads into his office, the large plaque on the door proclaiming him Dean Smith, Director of Sales and Marketing.

We follow Dean Smith through the highlights of an average day at the office. He types reports. He plays mini-golf in his office and chats with co-workers, laughing and joking. He tosses his tie over his shoulder while he eats salad at his desk, and I think I might die again. He holds high-level conference calls. His boss, Mr Adler, randomly drifts in to congratulate him for a job well done. He is confident and assured, good at his job, happy and secure.



As the evening draws in, Dean idly plays with a random desk toy while chatting to a colleague on the headset, cheerfully bemoaning the impact of a sedentary lifestyle on the waistline and not having been able to get to the gym in ages, swapping faddy diet tips and recipes.

All the while, we keep getting random shots of a clock somewhere in the room – so many that at first I thought it must be significant, but no. The shots of the clock merely mark the passing of time, a day in the life of Dean Smith.

It was at this early stage in my first viewing of the episode that I sat back and thought to myself: 'this has been set up as a weird kind of health spa for Dean'. After all, a complete break and/or change of scene, plenty of rest, healthy diet – it's what would be prescribed both for someone who just came out of hospital and for someone in the throes of a complete breakdown. But with a supernatural twist, because we don't know who has created this strange alternate reality, what their intentions are, or how long it will take Dean to realise he is living the wrong life.

Working day over, Dean Smith heads into the elevator to go home. Tapping away at his blackberry again, he slowly realises that the other person in the elevator is staring at him…



…and it is Sam! Wearing the yellow polo shirt and beige chinos of a lowly Tech Support Associate! Stepford Sam to go with Stepford Dean!



Sam stares at Dean, puzzled.

"Do I know you?" he asks at length. Dean doesn't think so, returns his attention to his blackberry, but Sam is still puzzled. "I'm sorry, man – you just look really familiar," he presses.

Dean, however, is uncomfortable with such unwarranted attention from a complete stranger. "Save it for the health club, pal," he advises, heading out of the elevator.

Still puzzled, Sam stares after him, unable to shake the nagging feeling that he knows that man somehow.



Titles

Printers print, photocopiers copy, and pencils are sharpened. Tech Support Associates at Sandover Bridge & Iron Inc populate their tightly packed cubicles and take calls.

One of these Tech Support Associates is Sam Wesson.

Dean Smith. Sam Wesson. Smith and Wesson. Oh, Show.

"Well, did you try turning it off and then on?" Sam advises, taking a random call about a random non-functioning printer. Heh. Always the first line of advice on all matters technological. Bored rigid, idly messing about with a little wobbly head Dracula toy on his desk, he talks his caller through this complex process, which works a treat.



As Sam completes the call, a nearby cubicle worker wheels over for a chat. This is Ian, and he is determinedly not wearing the company polo shirt and beige slacks seen on everyone else in the room. This man is not a conformist. He gossips cheerfully with Sam about a female co-worker and then they decide to take a coffee break. Idle slackers, the pair of them, content to skate along doing the bare minimum of work necessary to get through each day.

Dean has been set up in a good job, a senior position that allows him to shine, and he is clearly content and confident in this role. He is well respected and successful, an achiever. In real life, Dean is likewise good at his job, smart, capable and highly adaptable…but his self-esteem is at rock bottom and he has no confidence in his ability to succeed whatsoever. This false life gives him a taste of what he is capable of, the kind of subtle positive affirmation that he needs – a desperately needed time out during which his shattered spirit can heal a little.

But Sam, in contrast, has been set up with a position that is way below his capabilities, and as a result is bored and frustrated. This has been quite deliberately done. After all, if both brothers were comfortable and content in their false lives, they might never find their way out of it, and so Sam's menial role in which he has no incentive whatsoever to stay functions as a kind of built-in redundancy. Between his boredom, his dreams and his gut instinct that there is more to life than this, Sam provides the driving force that will eventually lead both brothers away from this safe, normal life and back toward their own.

Detouring en route to the kitchen, Ian calls another cubicle worker to join them, an older man named Paul. But Paul doesn't lift his eyes from his screen, fretfully insisting that he doesn't have time, too much work to do. As Sam and Ian continue to the kitchen, Ian gossips that Paul got called up to HR yesterday and must be freaked about getting busted surfing porn on the Internet, hence his current stress.

In the kitchen, there's a nifty shot looking out through the microwave as someone pulls out a bag of popcorn. The next shot we see from this angle, later in the episode, will leave us never wanting to touch the stuff again!

Ian heads straight for the supply cupboard, which is somewhat incongruously kept in the kitchen, and starts stuffing his pockets with packets of pencils. Klepto. Sam sees what he is doing and protests, because this is Sam, even if it is Sam Wesson instead of Sam Winchester, and Sam has always had a thing about abiding by the rules, at least until this season. He doesn't protest too hard, though, because this is his friend and he really isn't that concerned about company profits.



Ian asks Sam if he's had any of 'those dreams' lately. Sam has weird dreams in any reality, apparently, but the dreams he has here, in this false life, serve a valuable purpose in driving the story forward. "Don't be like that," Ian urges as Sam rolls his eyes. "It's the highlight of my day!"

Sam sighs that he never should have said anything in the first place, but Ian insists that these dreams are genius and he wants to hear the latest. Sam warns him not to be a dick about it, and Ian promises not to say a word. Thus persuaded, Sam reluctantly describes what apparently was just the latest in a long line of weird dreams. "I dreamt that I saved a Grim Reaper named Tessa from demons."

Ian explodes with laughter. "A classic! How much DD did you play when you were a kid?" Heh. It's hard not to like Ian. He's such a normal guy, a fun-loving wastrel. He can't stop laughing. "You're a hero," he teases, and oh, if only he knew. "Thank God we've got Harry Potter here to save us all from the Apocalypse."

If only they both knew!

Sam rolls his eyes. "Dick."



"Wizard!" Ian counters, still laughing.

Later

Printers print, photocopiers copy, and pencils are sharpened. The day slowly rolls on by at Sandover.

Back in his cubicle, Sam is filling out a form, but can't stop yawning and eventually nods off at his desk.



He is immediately plunged into another dream – flashbacks of his real life. Fighting monsters alongside Dean. Shooting the crossroads demon. Fighting monsters alongside Dean again. Dispersing an Achiri demon. Dean using a buzz saw to decapitate a vampire.

Sam wakes up with a start and blinks in confusion, hoping no one saw him sleeping on the job and wondering where the hell these bizarre and violent dreams are coming from.

Elevator

Sometime later, Sam gets into a crowded elevator. Dean is among his fellow travellers, and Sam again recognises him, presumably this time realising where he recognises this man from: the man fighting alongside him in his dreams.

Dean also recognises Sam – as the strange man who overstepped the boundary between strangers last time they shared an elevator. They exchange furtive side eyes, Sam trying not to get caught staring again but still puzzling over why this man is in his dreams, and Dean uneasily wondering why this stranger keeps looking at him.

Dean is looking rather stunning in his suit today, for the record.



At the next floor, all other passengers exit the lift, leaving Dean and Sam alone. Both are rather uncomfortable with this development. Dean turns away and tries to ignore Sam, just another random stranger who works in this building that he met once, briefly, and didn't hit it off with. Sam fidgets, his dreams and that feeling that he knows this man nagging away at the back of his mind. "Can I ask you a question?" he asks at length.

Dean still thinks this stranger is trying to come on to him. "Look, man, I told you, I'm not into the –"



"Oh, come on. I'm not either," protests Sam, impatient at being misunderstood – just as his real self frequently feels misunderstood this season and has been growing increasingly impatient about it. "I just want to ask you one question." Being stuck there and all, Dean caves and agrees that he can ask, so Sam goes for it, awkward, because this is going to sound crazy and he knows it. It is one thing discussing weird dreams with a friend, another thing entirely to broach insane topics with a complete stranger you happen to run into in the elevator, even if that stranger does look oddly familiar. "What do you think about ghosts?" he eventually spits out.

Scarcely believing the situation he finds himself in, Dean doesn't know what to make of this question and echoes the word 'ghost' with a sceptical eyebrow. Sam elaborates, asking if he believes in them. Taken aback, since all this is coming completely out of the blue, Dean laughs and admits that he has never given it much thought.

Sam eyes him speculatively. "Vampires?" he asks and Dean is even more confused, wonders why he asks. Sam shuffles, awkwardly. "I've been having some…weird dreams, lately. You know what I mean?"



Although he is fully immersed in this false reality, Sam's dreams, vague though they are, are tethering him to his real life in a way that Dean is clearly not experiencing. That, combined with Sam's dissatisfaction in his job here, provides an essential driving force to this episode, beginning the process of slowly but surely luring Dean away from the safety and comfort he has been provided with and in which he clearly feels so settled. It is quite a clever set up, and I wonder just how much they are each being manipulated – it seemed clear that when Sam ran into Dean in the teaser it was the first time he had seen him here and recognised him from his dreams. Had they been kept apart deliberately up till that point, to ensure that Dean had plenty of time to heal in this insulated cocoon that has been prepared for him, before the slow process of drawing him back out again could begin?

Still uncomfortable with this inappropriate familiarity, Dean says no, but Sam keeps pressing, unwilling to let this go – it is a very Sam characteristic. He never knows when he's gone too far and should back off. Dean is in his dreams and he doesn't understand why, but is anxious to know if Dean has been experiencing the same kind of thing, because something in his gut tells him that the dreams mean something. "So…you've never had any…weird dreams?"

Dean has had enough, starts jabbing at buttons to get off at the next level, anything to make this endless ride move a little faster. "Look, man. I don't know you," he points out. "Okay? But I'm going to do a public service and let you know that you over-share."

Heh.

The elevator opens and Dean makes a hasty getaway, leaving Sam to stew in his uncertainty and embarrassment.



Later

Printers print, photocopiers copy, and pencils are sharpened. Times passes.

Ian is wearing a fresh shirt, so maybe it is the next day. Maybe it is several days later. Who knows?

In his cubicle, Sam is idly doodling in a notebook, sketching the monsters from his dreams, as he again advises someone to try turning their faulty printer off and then back on again. Sam should sketch more often. Also, I love that he manages to sound both so polite and so bored. Furtively glancing around to check that no one is watching, he brings up an Internet search engine and types in the word 'vampires', clicks on a page of images. These are popular images of vampires as portrayed in the media – fangs and capes, Dracula-style. Nothing like the vampire he saw Dean behead in his dream.



"Whatcha doing?"

Sam about jumps out of his skin as Ian pops up behind him, hastily minimising the Internet window so as not to get caught wasting company time surfing the 'net for images of vampires. Not that Ian would care, but he would mock.

Ian isn't terribly interested in what Sam is doing, however, since he just got an email asking him to report to Human Resources. Sam snorts that he is probably being busted at last for stealing company supplies, but Ian just puts his game face on and insouciantly slouches off to face the music.

Sam goes back to his unhelpful vampire images, only to be distracted by workaholic Paul having a minor meltdown nearby. Turns out his computer froze on him – not such an unusual occurrence, according to Sam, which rings very true. Alas for Paul, however, he had not backed up his work today and as a result has apparently lost absolutely everything. I'm not entirely sure how that works, but we'll go with it.



Although he doesn't really see why this should be considered the end of the world, Sam tries to comfort the man, but Paul isn't listening, too busy obsessively trying to find some trace of his deleted work.

Night

The office is dark. Everyone has gone home for the day except Paul, who is still feverishly trying to restore his lost data.

It is hopeless. The work is lost, irretrievable. Paul is devastated by his failure…and puffs out a breath of condensed air. A cold spot. Viewers immediately recognise this as a haunting, and realise that the spirit has got to Paul.

Like an automaton, Paul stands and walks to the kitchen. He breaks the prongs off a couple of kitchen forks, opens the microwave and jams the broken forks into the catch so it thinks the door is closed. Then he sets the timer for 10 minutes, sticks his head inside, and turns it on.

The view from inside the microwave goes on for what seems like a horrendously long time as Paul effectively cooks himself, microwaves arcing off the metal frames of his glasses and disintegrating his flesh….

ICK! I may never use a microwave again.

'Don't heat up your fish here. It STINKS. Thank you', says a jaunty sign just above the microwave. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that burnt human flesh stinks even more. Smoke fills the air around the sign as Paul howls his death throes.

And then? As the screen goes black, the microwave goes ting! Hee. It's been nothing like the 10 minutes he set it for, but still. Hee!

Gross.

Day

In the morning, officials from the coroner's office wheel Paul's charred corpse away. Shocked office workers mill around to watch, presumably also resolving never to use microwaves ever again.

Among the crowd of uniform-clad Tech Support workers, Sam watches the body bag go and thus spots Dean standing at the other end of the hallway.



Dean sees Sam looking at him and is uncomfortable, looks away.



They both look shaken. It's not every day a co-worker fries himself in the microwave, after all.

"Something about this seem not right to you?" Dean murmurs to a fellow suit. The equally shaken suit points out that the whole thing doesn't seem right and regretfully sighs that he will never eat popcorn again. That wasn't quite what Dean meant, but he doesn't press the issue.

Dean's office

Back at his desk, Dean looks up the deceased's company record. He doesn't seem to be having similar strange dreams to Sam. He certainly has no memory of any life other than the one he is currently living. But his spidey-sense remains intact, and that instinct is too strong to ignore, however much he might want to.

Paul Dunbar's HR record shows that he was just two weeks away from retirement. Dean's spidey-sense tells him that something is definitely not right here.



Tech Support

Sam wheels his chair across to talk to Ian…who is now wearing the standard company uniform of yellow polo shirt and beige chinos, same as everyone else in the room, having evidently had the fear of God put into him by HR. Ian, the rebel nonconformist. Something is definitely not right here, either.

Sam doesn't notice at first, absorbed as he is in another mystery. "Why would someone kill themselves two weeks before they were supposed to retire?" he puzzles. "Paul was two weeks from freedom. He should have been happy. Right?"



But Ian does not want to talk, snapping that he doesn't have time for this. Sam laughs, assuming his slacker friend is joking, but Ian is completely serious, turning back to his computer to type away feverishly. And this is why this minor character has been so fleshed out in the few brief scenes he has appeared in, to drive home the complete personality change he is now displaying.

Confused, Sam asks what's going on, but Ian just snaps that he is working and it is important. Sam remembers his friend's summons to HR and wonders if something happened up there, notices that he is now wearing the company shirt and has shaved. Ian twitches uncomfortably, but ignores the distraction, firmly taking another call while Sam gapes at him, perplexed.

"Got to go up to 22, speak to a manager," Ian nervously announces, hanging up the call. Tossing his headset aside, he heads off, leaving a very confused Sam behind.

Dean's office

A very tense Ian knocks at Dean Smith's door, for it was he who issued the summons, and wow, that is quite the ensemble he is wearing today. Very spiffy.



It seems Ian has filled out a form incorrectly, and it isn't a big deal, but Dean would like him to redo it. The instruction is delivered both casually and amicably, but Ian is utterly distraught. This rather extreme reaction confuses the hell out of Dean, who repeats that it isn't a problem, nothing to worry about, all he has to do is re-file the form and all is good.



Ian isn't listening, muttering to himself in horror that he has failed the company, it affected profits, he screwed up, he failed Sandover and he is sorry. Then he turns and runs.

Taken aback, Dean gives chase.

Bathroom

A concerned Dean follows Ian into the men's room and tries to calm him down, but Ian isn't listening, staring into a mirror locked in horror at his failure.

Huffing his frustration, Dean notices a cold spot in the room and is puzzled. Then all the taps and soap dispensers activate by themselves, flooding the sinks with water and the worktops with soap, which swiftly drips onto the floor. Spookier and spookier, especially if you are Dean Smith and know nothing of the supernatural.



Nervous, Dean tries to coax Ian into leaving the room with him, demonstrating that his instinct to help others is well and truly intact, even in this memory-wiped state.

Ian turns to look at him, face a blank mask, but instead of responding he pulls a sharp pencil out of his pocket…and rams it into his own neck, right through the carotid artery. With a sound not unlike a balloon bursting. Yikes! ICK!

As fountains of blood stream all over the place, Dean frantically runs to the fallen man, despite the fact that there is nothing he can do to save him. Casting frantic eyes around the room, he catches sight of a strange reflection in one of the stall doors – a ghostly figure. But when he turns, of course, there is no one there. Freakier and freakier.

By the time Dean looks back down at Ian, he is already dead. Horrified, Dean yells for help.



Later

A very shaken Dean, his shirt splattered with blood, explains to the police what happened while officials from the coroner's office remove Ian's body, having had to come all the way back to Sandover again when they were just here this morning to pick up Paul. They must feel like yoyos.

Watching them go, Dean sees a sombre-looking Sam standing among the crowd milling about at the end of the hallway, and they catch one another's eyes to exchange a long look fraught with significance. There is a connection there that neither one can explain. Sam is having weird dreams about ghosts, dreams in which Dean plays a central role; he forced those dreams upon Dean's attention and now Dean has seen an actual ghost.

Later

Printers print, photocopiers copy, and pencils are sharpened. Time passes.

Slumped disconsolately at his desk, Sam takes a call. It is Dean, and he still sounds very shaken up. "I need to see you in my office. Now," he orders.



Now, there has been no evidence up till this point that they even knew one another's names, but I daresay it wouldn't be that hard to find out, for either one.

Dean's office

As Sam arrives, Dean is just buttoning up a fresh shirt, having changed out of the blood-splattered one, and I wonder if he has spotted his angelic handprint and wondered where it came from. Perhaps it is hidden from him by the same spell that wiped his memory.

"Come on in. Shut the door," Dean greets Sam, still looking shaken. And pretty. Boy, does he look pretty in this episode. They both do. They look so young and fresh-faced and clean-cut! Plus, the lack of layers shows off their slim figures and broad shoulders to best effect. I very much approve.



Sam shuts the door and turns to face Dean, looking very unsure, which makes two of them.



They are strangers in this reality. They have met twice, very briefly, in the elevator – and Dean wasn't impressed with Sam either time. Sam has had weird dreams and Dean was in them, but he can't understand why, and knows that Dean thinks he is nuts even for the tiny bit he managed to mention to him. And now his friend has died, committed suicide, right out of the blue, and Dean saw it happen. So, yeah – awkward.

Also? Sam doesn't seem that upset about the death of his friend, as if even here, in this false reality, he is reluctant to develop strong attachments to anyone, keeps all his relationships superficial, so that nothing can touch his heart – just as the real Sam has been increasingly holding himself aloof, keeping even Dean at arm's length as much as possible, reluctant to risk further pain.

"Who the hell are you?" Dean rather gruffly opens.



Flustered, Sam fidgets. "I'm not sure I know," he admits, honest but abashed, trying to shrug the identity crisis off, and Dean wonders what the hell that means. Sam shuffles awkwardly and adjusts the sit of his laptop case on his shoulder, unable to answer that question, and falls back on his name. "Sam Wesson. I started here three weeks ago."



Three weeks. That gives us some kind of time scale as to how long this strange false reality has been going on for.

Dean uneasily considers this information and recaps the situation as he sees it. "All right. You cornered me in the elevator, talking about ghosts. And now…"

He doesn't know how to finish that sentence, how to explain what he saw, and Sam narrows his eyes, curious, suddenly suspecting that something important is afoot. "Now what?"

Dean can't bring himself to say it. It's too insane. So he brushes it off, grabs a drink, and comments on the fact that it turns out they both just started working here three weeks ago, anything to change the subject, to distract himself from what he saw. "Master Cleanse," he says of his drink as he takes a swig. "You tried it? Phenomenal. De-toxes you like nobody's business."



Heh. That's the recipe we heard him take down back in the teaser: a detox programme. The Cleanse involves drinking only lemonade made from fresh lemon or line juice, maple syrup, water and Cayenne pepper. It usually lasts a minimum of ten days, and no solid food is eaten at all during that time.

Dean. On a detox diet that allows no solid food. It's like the world is upside-down or something.

Sam ignores the sidetracking, staring at the other man. "When you were in that bathroom with Ian…did you see something?" he cautiously asks, sensing vindication in the offing.

"I don't know," Dean admits, looking deeply disturbed. "I don't know what I saw."



Sam's eyes light up. "Wait. Did you…see a ghost?" he urges, excited. If Dean saw a ghost, that means that Sam isn't going crazy, that his instincts are real, and Sam Wesson is every bit as driven as Sam Winchester when he gets an idea in his head.

"I was freaking out," Dean points out. "The guy pencilled his damn neck!"

"You did, didn't you?" Sam presses. "Look, what if these suicides aren't suicides. What if there's something not…natural."



Dean remains sceptical. He doesn't know for sure what it was that he saw, but he's not about to get carried away. He likes his life the way it is, no complications, thanks all the same. "So what, ghosts are real?" he grunts, deeply reluctant to admit that his experience was real – certainly reluctant to admit that it was real unless Sam expresses solid, concrete belief in the supernatural first. "And they're responsible for all the dead bodies around here, is that what you're telling me?"

They sit down on opposite sides of Dean's desk to brainstorm. "I know it sounds crazy," Sam admits. "But yes: that's what I'm telling you." Dean sternly asks on what he bases this belief and Sam fidgets uncomfortably. "Instinct?" he offers, having nothing more to go on than his gut.



Dean ponders for a moment longer and then sighs, giving in, because Sam has said it first. "I've got the same instinct," he admits, rubbing wearily at the bridge of his nose.



Thus encouraged, Sam starts to babble about his dreams again. "I was dreaming about ghosts," he enthuses, thrilled beyond measure that he finally has someone to share this with who isn't laughing at him, someone who takes him seriously. "And then it turns out that there is a real ghost!"

However, while Dean might be willing to admit that something strange is going on around here, he remains sceptical. "So you're telling me that your dreams are 'special visions' and you're some kind of psychic?" he disbelieves, rolling his eyes and wondering how the world suddenly became so insane.

Taken aback by the accusation, Sam back-peddles like mad. "No! I mean, that would be nuts." Heh. Oh, the irony. Picking up his thread once more, he sticks to the salient point at hand. "I'm just saying: something weird is definitely going on around here. Right? So I've been digging around a little. I think I've found a connection between the two guys."

He pulls some papers out of his laptop case and hands them over. Dean studies them and frowns. "You broke into their email accounts?"



Awkward. Sam has got so carried away with his enthusiasm and excitement that he forgot he was confessing a sackable offence to a manager, and so we run smack into the social divide that has been artificially placed between the two. Dean has been deliberately placed in a position of authority over Sam, such as he has occupied for most of their lives, but which stands in stark contrast to the equality they have developed and the role reversal we have seen growing throughout the season. It creates a very interesting dynamic between the pair, for even here Sam instinctively takes the lead while Dean reluctantly holds back – but Dean has the authority to rein him back in.

Sam flounders. "Uh. I…used some skills that I happen to have to…satisfy my curiosity."



He knows that his job could be on the line for this, but stands by what he did, no regret – he is certain that he is right to have taken action.

Dean looks contemplative and nods approvingly. "Nice!"

Hee! Sam is so relieved. It is adorable. He needed his covert and illicit activity to be approved of by Dean – just as he does in real life, although there it is a lot less likely. This scene bears such strong parallels and contrasts to their real life situation. Here, Sam believed strongly that he was right to have taken action, even though he knew that action was technically wrong. He knew that Dean, as a manager, could have him fired, but had the courage of his convictions and confessed all, trusted Dean to see his side and agree with his decision. In real life, Sam also believes strongly that he is right to have taken action, even though he knows that the action he has taken is wrong in so many ways…but he has not had the courage of his convictions, has chosen to hide his activity from Dean, fearing his reaction, regardless of the damage caused by this dishonesty.

This scene is all about these two apparent strangers finding some kind of balance, manager and subordinate finding a level on which they can be equals. There is something seriously wrong here, and it transcends company hierarchy; each of them instinctively feels the need to find out what it is, whatever that takes, and put it right. Each of them also recognises that urge in the other – although Sam's drive to take action is stronger than Dean's, which strongly reflects their real life attitudes of late, Sam charging ahead while Dean more cautiously hangs back. Here in this false reality in which they are strangers they are nonetheless slowly finding their way back to one another, which is something they desperately need to achieve in real life, as well.

Encouraged by Dean's approval, Sam babbles that both Ian and Paul received the same email telling them to report to HR in room 1444. Dean frowns at this, pointing out that HR is on the 7th floor, which is Sam's point exactly.

Dean thinks this through, shuffles papers and shoots for a calm, measured attitude as befitting a director of this company. "Should we go check this out?" he cautiously wonders.

Sam is a little taken aback. "Like…right now?"

It's more that he wasn't expecting the suggestion than he doesn't want to go, but Dean takes it that way. "No, it's getting late, you're right," he hesitates.

They are both trying so hard to play it cool and not act like kids, but Sam can't keep it up. He hates his job and is enthralled by this mystery – classic Sam, always looking for more than he has. He eyes Dean appraisingly and Dean meets his eyes, trying really, really hard to keep his cool still. Then, "I am dying to check this out right now," Sam admits.



"I know. Right?" Dean agrees, once again caving now that Sam has made his admission – willing to be led, while reluctant to lead, echoing his real self for much of this season.

14th floor

Up on the 14th floor a random Tech Support Associate finds his way to room 1444, having received one of those email summons. The room turns out to be in a dusty, disused part of the building – plus, as we know, HR isn't even located on this floor – but still it doesn't occur to the man to query the email he received, just like it didn't occur to Paul or Ian before him. It looked official therefore it must be official and he is just going along with it, to worried about what the summons means to really stop and think about it.

Room 1444 is little more than a glorified storage closet, stuffed full of random cast-off computer equipment that's been shut away so long no one even remembers it's in there. The room is blatantly disused. But the Tech received an email telling him to come here, so he ventures inside calling out, just in case someone from HR turns to be hiding, or something.

The door slams shut behind him, and he can't get it open again. That's what he gets for not using his brain. Getting scared now, the Tech nervously makes his way further into the room.

Suddenly, all the disused computer monitors stacked on shelves around the room switch on, all at once, screens full of snowy static and not a power source in sight. The Tech just about jumps out of his skin. He notices a cold spot right in front of him, his breath condensing in the air, and doesn't know this is a sign of a spirit in close proximity, but does know that it is creepy – and he was already scared. Then all the shelves surrounding him start rocking and he yelps with fear.

Out in the hallway, Dean and Sam approach just in time to hear the Tech yelling and start running, only to find the door firmly locked.



Without stopping to think, Sam kicks it open.

"Whoa," says Dean, impressed. Sam's kind of impressed himself – he didn't know he could do that.



They hurry into the room, find Tech lying on his back pinned down by a fallen shelf unit, and hurry to lift it off him. Determined to thwart this effort, however, the spirit of an elderly man – the spirit Dean saw in the bathroom – manifests and throws Dean across the room, then does likewise for Sam before returning his attention to the trapped and terrified Tech. He holds up a hand, fingers crackling with electricity a la Ellicott way back in Asylum. Same kind of spirit, clearly, given available evidence.

Before the spirit can get his hands on Tech to work any ghostly mojo, Dean picks himself up, thinks fast and grabs a wrench that just happens to be randomly lying around on a nearby shelf, swiping at the spirit with it.



The spirit disperses instantly and all the monitors in the room shut off at once.

As Dean and Sam lift the fallen shelving so that Tech can crawl out and flee, a rather freaked Sam asks how Dean knew how to do that. An equally freaked Dean admits that he has no idea – I'm not sure he even knows what it was he did. He was just trying to hit the spirit to get it away from the Tech; he wasn't expecting it to vanish like that!

The two men stare at one another, freaked out and breathless from the experience.

Dean's apartment

Dean has evidently invited Sam back to his place for the evening to try to figure out what just happened, both of them reeling at what they experienced. It was one thing to sit in Dean's office and discuss the impossible – another thing entirely to confront it face to face!

"Holy crap, dude," Dean expostulates, swigging at his homemade Master Cleanse lemonade, the only sustenance he is allowing himself even after such an unnerving and energetic experience. Looking dazed, Sam agrees with this sentiment and remarks that he could use a beer. It turns out Dean doesn't actually have any, however. "Sorry, man – I'm on the Cleanse," he breezily explains. "I got rid of all the carbs in the house."

Heh. Dean. No carbs. It's still funny. He goes and gets Sam a bottle of water instead, though, as if it's any kind of substitute, having remembered that a good host should provide refreshments. Then Sam, calming down enough to think again, asks how Dean knew that ghosts are scared of wrenches.

It's so cute that he thinks the ghost was scared of the wrench! With their memories of their true selves removed, they have to learn everything about hunting from scratch – and yet their basic instincts remain solid. Anyone else at the company could have become suspicious of those two improbable and mysterious suicides and started investigating, but they didn't. Only these two, egging each other on, have realised that two and two are coming out five and taken the trouble of looking into it.

"Crazy, right?" Dean laughs. "Nice job kicking in that door, too, that was very Jet Li. What are you, like, a black belt or something?"

Hee. It is so cute watching them stumble around not knowing anything, so congratulatory and pleased with themselves for such small accomplishments compared to what they are used to. It stands as a timely reminder of just how vast a scale they have become accustomed to operating on and how immense their achievements have been. Just this minor brush with a spirit would be too much for most people, yet for Dean and Sam in their real lives this would be nothing, a walk in the park.

Sam can't explain how he knew how to kick the door open any more than Dean can explain his instinctive swipe at the spirit with the wrench, and they really are like a pair of kids that just found a new toy to play with, excited and proud and totally psyched.

Sam grows pensive. "It's like…we've done this before," he offers, remembering his dreams, maybe wondering if perhaps he has been remembering a past life, or something.



Dean isn't following. "What do you mean, before? Like Shirley McClain before?"

Sam rolls his eyes and says no, but struggles to find words to explain what he does mean. "I just can't shake this feeling like I don't belong here. You know what I mean? Like I should do something more than sit in a cubicle."

"I think most people who work in a cubicle feel that same way," Dean observes, swigging at his Master Cleanse lemonade again.

"It's more than that," Sam insists. "Like…I don't like my job, I don't like this town, I don't like my clothes." So far, though, he could still be speaking for any call centre employee who drifted through town aimlessly and got stuck in a dead end job. "I don't like my own last name!" he adds, confused by his own feelings and frustrated because he can't put them into adequate words to convey his full meaning to Dean, who clearly doesn't understand. "I don't know how else to explain it except that…it feels like I should be doing something else. There's just…something in my blood. Like I was destined for something different."

Now there's a statement that resonates, in more ways than one. This Sam has no idea who he really is or what is really in his blood, and yet. There's something in my blood. I was destined for something different. The echo of the real Sam reverberates through those words. Between his dreams and his general dissatisfaction and maybe something considerably more intangible deep down in his gut just enough of the real Sam is filtering through to influence the way this Sam thinks and feels.

"What about you? Ever feel that way?" he concludes, turning appraising and kind of hopeful eyes toward Dean, who has been listening thoughtfully instead of laughing at him or rejecting what he had to say outright, as so many no doubt would upon hearing such seemingly crazy talk. Sam is anxious to know that he isn't alone with his strange dreams and instincts that he can't explain and that gut feeling that this isn't who he really is. Of course, he already broached the subject of his dreams with Dean before, and got nowhere, but that was then, whereas now they've been through something together that can't be explained, and that forms a bond that allows him to get his hopes up.



"I don't believe in destiny," Dean declares. "I do believe in dealing with what's right in front of us, though."



Heh. His non-mind-wiped self would say exactly the same thing – and has, on many occasions. It is fascinating to see the way each brother's real personality bleeds through into these false personas, to see how very much they remain themselves, even at the same time as being someone else entirely.

With a little sigh, because he has exhausted his instinct for how to handle all this, Sam asks what they do now, and all of a sudden, for the first time since this began, Dean is a step ahead of him, for he has already figured this part out. "We do what I do best, Sammy," he announces. "Research."

Dean. Research. HEEE! Oh, Show.

Sam agrees to this suggestion readily enough, but then stops and frowns. "Did you just call me Sammy?"

"Did I?" Dean really wasn't paying attention.

Sam plays the conversation back in his head, thinks about it, and grimaces. "I think you did. Yeah." He wrinkles his nose in distaste. "Don't."



Hee…but also ouch. It is another reminder that however well these two men have been getting along since they embarked upon this adventure, however much of an affinity they feel for one another, they are still strangers. Moreover, Dean's subconscious use of the diminutive and Sam's subconscious rejection of it is also an uncomfortable echo of their real lives. The sibling dynamic and power balance between the brothers has been in a state of flux all season, with Dean nostalgically trying to recreate the relationship they once had, even as his depression and trauma causes him to take a step back from the leadership role and in fact away from all self-determination, while Sam has determinedly stepped up to the plate in his stead, no longer the sheltered baby brother but a confident and fiercely independent leader choosing his own path through life for better or for worse.

And we also remember that Sam accepted the diminutive from Ruby just last episode – for in that relationship, she is the one in the driving seat, whether Sam fully appreciates that fact or not.

Later

"Oh, jackpot!" Dean crows, eyes glued to his laptop, and Sam, beavering away at his own laptop across the room, asks what he's got. "I just found the best site ever," Dean enthuses. "Real, actual ghost hunters. These guys are genius!"



Sam hurries over to take a look…and it is the Ghostfacers! They've got a brand new updated website that includes instructional videos, and the use of these videos to facilitate the Ghostfacers' inclusion in this episode is both hilarious and inspired. Dean and Sam check them out.



Ed and Harry's instructional video turns out to be remarkably useful, as it turns out. After rambling through their usual overdramatic spiel, the video talks Dean and Sam through the various stages of dealing with the ghost problem they have identified, one step at a time. The first step in any supernatural fight, the Ghostfacers announce, is to figure out what you're up against.

So, Dean and Sam make haste to do just that. They discover that one PT Sandover, who died in 1916, founded Sandover Bridge & Iron Inc – and Dean immediately recognises the man's picture as the ghost he has encountered twice now. Sam reads the man's obituary and learns that he devoted his life to his work and had no wife or children: "used to say he was the company and his very blood pumped through the building."

Dean understates that this translates to slight workaholic, and hypothesises, "maybe he's still here, watching over the company – even killing for it."

Sam adds that this isn't the first time people have started killing themselves in the building – there was a wave of suicides back in 1929. Dean demonstrates a little historical knowledge by pointing out that lots of guys jumped off lots of high rises that year, but Sam counters that not many companies had 17 suicides.



That is rather extreme, Dean agrees. He summarises. "Okay, so PT Sandover, protector of the company – his ghost wakes up and becomes active during times of grave economic distress." I love that this Dean is so articulate, not afraid to show his intelligence. The real Dean, lacking much in the way of formal education, finds it safer to play dumb a lot of the time.

The two men agree that the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression is right now…and Dean wistfully observes that "now sucks. My portfolio's in the sewer, I don't even want to talk about it."

Heh. Now sucks. The real Dean might very well say that, also – but for very different reasons.

Since Sam, as a lowly Tech Support Associate, can only dream of having an investment portfolio of either the appreciating or depreciating variety, he just rolls his eyes and keeps them focused on the case. Sandover is helping the company's bottom line, they agree, by zapping various individuals into model employees. "Ian and Paul," Sam remembers. "It was like he turned them into different people."

"Perfect worker bees," nods Dean. "So devoted to the company that they would commit hara-kiri if they failed it."

"One more interesting fact," says Sam, turning his attention back to his research and sounding deeply satisfied that a clear picture is beginning to form, the evidence starting to make sense out of apparent chaos. "The building wasn't always that high, used to be 14 floors. And the room where the ghost attacked, 1444? Once upon a time, that was the old man's office."



You know, what's really great about this research-based conversation is that it could so easily be a conversation between their real selves, in just about any season, the flow of the give and take is so natural. It feels like it's been a really long time since we saw the brothers so casually bouncing ideas off one another like this, with none of their baggage getting in the way.

Back to the Ghostfacers, who announce that once their wannabe-ghost hunter viewers have that thing in their sights, they are to kill it.

Wow. That is a fairly major change of tactic for the Ghostfacers, demonstrating how far they have come since they first started chasing ghosts, and how much they have learned – while remaining so very much their old inimitable selves. I love that this development is just tossed in there, by the way, presented as a matter of fact, rather than being focused on in any way. They started out just trying to capture a ghost on film, graduated to trying to create an entire TV show around a ghost captured on film, but learned from that devastating experience how deadly ghosts actually are and are now promulgating the knowledge gained from that encounter. It proves that they have actually learned something: that ghosts are not resources to be manipulated for personal gain; they kill, and so must be killed, and this is how.

It is both a fantastically responsible reaction to the Ghostfacers' past experiences and a fantastically irresponsible reaction to their past experiences, because they are still treating it more as a boys' own adventure than real life, and are encouraging rank amateurs to risk their lives. How many other Dean Smiths and Sam Wessons are out there, stumbling upon this website because they have encountered something they can't explain by any other means? How many of them are likely to get themselves killed by trying to follow Ed and Harry's advice?

But then again, how many of them might go on to become successful hunters in their own right? Maybe not on a Winchester scale, but there is clearly room for a wide variety on the hunting spectrum, and every hunter has to start somewhere. Even Ed and Harry occupy a position on that spectrum, already in too deep to walk away from what they know despite the fact that they will never be full-blown hunters themselves.

Or are they? Do they practice what they preach? Or limit their role to the education of others? We are not told.

Anyway. Ed and Harry helpfully run through the special ghost hunting weapons that must be used to kill a ghost. First up is salt, which, they explain, is like acid to ghosts – burny acid, rather than LSD, they hastily qualify. "It's a bad trip for ghosts," Harry quips.

Next is iron, which dissipates ghosts instantly, they enthuse. And that was why the wrench worked, Sam realises.



The next trick, which the Ghostfacers admit that they learned from 'those useless douchebags' 'that we hate', the Winchesters, is shotguns loaded with rock salt. This is very effective, they agree. "Winchesters still suck ass, though," they add. Interesting that this is the only point so far that they have acknowledged as having learned from the Winchesters, when in fact everything they know about ghosts and how to deal with them was learned from Sam and Dean.

Three points here. First, I love Dean's little non-reaction to the name Winchester. He is amused by Ed and Harry's vitriol, but the name itself means nothing to him. Second, I love the little sign behind Harry's head: 'Maggie's workbench. Touch it and die'. Hee. Nice little nod to Maggie's existence without having to have her actually in the episode. And finally, I love how circular this all is, that the Ghostfacers, without even knowing it, are teaching Sam and Dean what they learned from Sam and Dean. There's all kinds of marvellous irony tucked away in there.

So, now that they are all clued up on what to do upon encountering a ghost – or, at least, as clued up as they are going to get, under the circumstances – Dean and Sam fill a gym bag with whatever weapons they can improvise in the way of whatever salt and iron Dean happens to have in his apartment.

Probably fortunate for them that he just happens to have a set of fire irons, no?

Shotguns, however, prove more problematic. "Where do we even get a gun?" Dean frowns, clueless, because he is Dean Smith and not Dean Winchester. Sam proposes a gun store, but Dean points out that, as far as he knows, never having tried to acquire a gun before, there is some kind of waiting period. Sam agrees that there is, which pretty much brings them back to Dean's initial point. "How in the hell?"

"I don't know, man," Sam sighs. "It seems pretty impossible, honestly."

They give up on the idea of shotguns and return to the Ghostfacers website for their final ghost hunting lesson.



"Those super-annoying Winchester douche-nozzles also taught us one other thing," Ed reluctantly allows.

"You have to burn the remains," Harry explains, holding out a lighter. "This part gets a little gross. Sometimes you…might have to…dig up the body. Sorry."

"It's illegal in some states," Ed admits.

"All states," Harry corrects.

"Possibly all states," Ed allows, without skipping a beat.

Heh. I love Dean's taken aback reaction.

Sam gets back on the laptop to research, and you know, although Dean claimed research was what he does best, it is Sam who has done the bulk of it. He learns that Sandover was cremated. So much for burning the corpse. Dean wonders what they do now.

"If the deceased has been cremated," the Ghostfacers helpfully explain in that oh-so useful instructional video. "Don't panic. Just got to look for some other remains. A hair in a locket, maybe. Fingernails, baby teeth (milk teeth). Genetic material. You know what we're talking about. Go find it. Fight well, young lions. God speed."

Heh. They really are inimitable.

Sandover Bridge & Iron Inc

"Set yourself on the walkie talkie in case we get separated," Dean suggests as the two men enter the elevator. So, they each whip out a blackberry and set them up, and I didn't even know you could do that, but am willing to go along with it. It's like watch synchronisation for the 21st century. Also? They both look fabulous, and they are working together instead of at cross-purposes, and it makes my heart sing.



"How the hell are we going to find some ancient speck of DNA in a skyscraper?" Sam wants to know.

"Well, that creepy store room used to be Sandover's office, right?" Dean points out, because in any incarnation Dean is good at pulling clues together and making intuitive leaps. And again this sounds so much like an exchange their old selves might have that it is marvellous and heart-warming and just what the doctor ordered after the bleak, bitter despair of recent episodes, because I needed this snippet of respite as much as Dean, and the fact that their minds have been wiped means that it has been achieved without sacrificing the integrity of ongoing character development, and I love it.

Up they go.

Room 1444

In Sandover's old office, Dean and Sam set about searching every nook and cranny they can think of for that stray speck of DNA tying Sandover's spirit to the building.

Sam is rifling through an old desk when a security guard confronts him, wanting to know what the hell he is doing here, and I wonder how the guard even found him, tucked away in this dusty storage closet at the back end of nowhere.

At the other end of the room, unseen, Dean ducks down behind a rack of shelving and watches anxiously as Sam stumbles and flounders and can't come up with a good explanation for his presence here. The guard escorts him away, which leaves Dean to continue the search alone.



Hallway/Elevator

As the guard escorts him to the elevator, Sam impatiently tries to explain that he works here, but the guard really doesn't care, telling him to save his stories for the cops.

They get into the elevator and head down.

However, it isn't long before the little in-car video screen starts to break up into a crackle of static, and Sam grows alarmed. He is even more alarmed when he notices a cold spot – and then the elevator comes to a sudden halt somewhere between floors 9 and 10.

The guard jabs at the buttons a few times, then gives in and uses his master key to open the inner door before prising open the outer doors to reveal floor 10 roughly level with his head. The elevator car shifts and creaks, and viewers immediately start to get a very bad feeling about this. So does Sam.

"Well, come on," the guard shrugs.

Sam goes white. "What?" he squeaks. No way is he climbing out through that hole with a ghost on the loose, especially not with the car sounding quite as unstable as it does, as if the cable might snap at any moment. The guard explains that last time the elevator broke down it took two hours for the engineers to come and fix it, but Sam thinks a repeat of that incident would be preferable to climbing out through that gap. "Let's just wait," he proposes.



The incredulous guard just looks at him all I'm not sitting in this box with you for two hours, freak, and hauls himself up and out, while Sam grimaces in nervous anticipation of everything that could go wrong while ducking away from the man's kicking legs.

Room 1444

Dean continues to search, rifling through filing cabinets and in-trays and scouring every inch of Sandover's old desk.

Moving a bunch of files reveals an old photograph commemorating Sandover Bridge & Iron's involvement with the building of the Lincoln Memorial Bridge, and seeing the picture gives Dean an idea.

Elevator

Having safely clambered out of the car, the guard turns and sticks his head back through the hole to encourage Sam to climb out as well.

Sam, however, is starting to really freak out because he knows the spirit is active and somewhere in the vicinity. Although why it is bothering with these two, who are on their way out, and ignoring Dean, who is still busy trying to find a way to destroy it, is beyond me. This whole incident with the elevator does not resemble the spirit's usual MO in the slightest, since so far it has been all about creating perfect worker bees, not casually slaughtering employees in the elevator. After all, indiscriminate slaughter is terribly wasteful, not even giving them a chance of proving their worth as good little worker bees before inevitable failure drives them to suicide…

Anyway, Sam earnestly assures the guard that he will wait, but the guard is growing impatient and leans toward him, poking his head, shoulders and arms through the gap. "Look. I don't have the rest of my life –" he begins…

Thud.

The elevator drops about three feet, effectively guillotining the guard's upper body from the lower.

Sam's face and neck are liberally painted with bright arterial blood and he gasps and yelps and shudders his horror.



And, and, and…ick! Out in the hallway, the guard's body jerks and kicks involuntarily for a moment before becoming still. His arms have been torn clean out of their sockets! Gruesome! Damn, this episode is gory!

Sam takes a moment to freak out and then startles as Dean's voice hisses over the walkie talkie / blackberry to ask if he is okay.

Why Dean is calling when he knows Sam is being escorted off the premises by a guard, I don't know – maybe he's assuming Sam will be outside by now and no longer in the guard's presence? Who knows? Anyway, he calls.

Shocked, Sam takes a moment to try and get his breathing back under control before retrieving his blackberry from his belt. "Call you back," he eventually manages to squeak out.



Later

Wandering along what is presumably either the 9th or 10th floor, depending on which way he went when he plucked up the courage to crawl out of the elevator, Sam wipes as much of the blood off himself as he can and calls Dean to find out where he is. We are not told just how he managed to extricate himself from the elevator, and it is also unclear why the spirit would just let him go after murdering the guard.

Dean says that he thinks he's worked it out and tells Sam to meet him up on the 22nd floor, and Sam promptly replies for Dean to take the stairs, and, you know – he's still a little jittery, but he's nowhere near as freaked out as he should be, after what he just witnessed. Sam Winchester would take it in his stride, sure, but this isn't Sam Winchester, it is Sam Wesson. Yet he has recovered his composure remarkably quickly, in much the same way that he so rapidly got over his sorrow at the demise of his friend earlier. Memories have been replaced, and various habitual reactions and dynamics removed along with them, but it seems certain character traits are too deeply ingrained for the memory wipe to remove. Sam has been conditioning himself for a long time now to repress his emotional responses, and this appears at times to be filtering through even into this false persona.

22nd floor

Sam joins Dean up in the executive suite, which houses an exhibition detailing the company's origins and glorious past. Neither one is the slightest bit out of breath after traipsing their way up all those flights of stairs!

"Whoa." Dean stares at Sam's bloody shirt in alarm. "That's a lot of blood."

And he's only seeing a fraction of it, too. Not inclined to explain what he just witnessed, Sam just nods. "Yeah. I know."



Dean stares for a moment longer, no doubt wondering what the hell he missed, and again I feel that the death of that security guard is the weakest element of this episode. It made no sense in terms of the spirit's MO, and there just isn't room in the story to deal with the aftermath properly – Dean should have a lot more questions about what happened. It isn't as obvious as it might seem, on the surface, that the spirit killed the guard, thus solving Sam's problem for him. As mentioned, it isn't the spirit's MO, for a start. Plus there are all kinds of questions around how Sam got away – this Dean is a rank amateur, is clearly deeply unnerved by the sight of the blood, and should want all the gory details of how Sam may have only narrowly escaped with his life.

However, instead of asking again why Sam is covered in blood or how he got away from the security guard, Dean just accepts his dismissal of the matter and gets down to business, pointing out a framed pair of gloves, which apparently belonged to PT Sandover himself. "What do you want to bet there's a smidge of DNA in there, like a fingernail clipping, or a hair or two," he theorises, proud of his deductions.

Sam nods. "So, you ready?"

Dean huffs out a deep breath. "I have no idea," he admits.

"Me neither," Sam agrees, looking grim.

They each grab a fire iron out of the bag they brought – again, just as well Dean's swanky apartment contained such things as fire irons, almost as if someone had anticipated the need…. Sam also picks up a canister of salt, while he's at it. Then he tells Dean to go for it and Dean obliges, smashing the glass case to gain access to the gloves.

Sam immediately notices a cold spot in front of him, and looks up to see PT Sandover standing right behind Dean. But before he even has time to yell a warning, Sandover has flung Dean across the room. The spirit then shoves Sam to the ground before he can react, because this Sam is not a hunter and his reflexes are not as honed as they could be. Sandover advances on him, fingers flickering with electricity, but Sam thinks fast, snatches up the salt canister he'd dropped when he fell and lashes out with it, successfully dispersing the spirit.

Dean and Sam pick themselves up again, Dean having acquired a little gash up at his hairline in his fall. Dean seems to end up bleeding a lot more often than Sam does. They are both exhilarated by Sam's success – but before they've had time to do more than grin at one another, Sandover is back. Sam sees him materialise at Dean's shoulder, yells a warning, and tosses a fire iron to the other man.

Dean catches it very neatly, turns and swings in one fluid movement, dispersing the spirit. Sam applauds him for the catch, and it kills me all over again to see how congratulatory these two are, so proud of both themselves and each other for such tiny things that their real selves take completely for granted these days, and it is sad to remember how far apart they have drifted in their real life.



Sam hauls himself back to his feet and retrieves the other iron, and mere seconds later Sandover materialises again, right in the middle of the two men. They swing in unison, dispersing him again, and exchange exhilarated little grins, before diving back into action as Sandover materialises behind Dean once more.

Each of the dynamic duo manages to disperse the spirit a couple more times before Sandover finally gets the drop on them, flickering around faster than they can react. He flings Sam across the room in one direction and Dean in the other, tossing him out into the hallway, where he crashes into the wall and crumples to the floor, dazed.

Sandover sweeps out into the hallway after Dean, sensing victory in the offing, and raises a hand, fingertips crackling with electricity. Still half-stunned, Dean is too groggy to evade him.



Ignored by the spirit, who can only work his mojo on his victims one at a time, Sam picks himself up and sees Sandover leaning over Dean. And now he has a choice. He can either grab a fire iron again and plunge back into the fray to get the spirit away from his new friend, temporarily dissipate it again before it can do any damage, continue the fight – continue to react to the symptoms alone – or he can take the riskier action of taking his eyes off them both while he deals with the issue at root level – remove the cause and thus eliminate the problem entirely. He opts for the latter, because he is Sam and whether Winchester or Wesson Sam is a man of direct action. He lunges for the gloves, pulling a lighter out of his pocket, and sets fire to them. The spirit goes up in flames along with the gloves, just in the nick of time.

Danger removed, Sam ventures out into the hallway to check that Dean is all right, which he is, and they gape at one another in breathless incomprehension and exhilaration at what just happened.

"That was amazing!" Sam enthuses.



"Right? Right!" Dean breathlessly grins at him, torn between shock and elation, and, and, and – their faces! When was the last time we saw them look so happy and delighted, buoyed up by the sheer adrenaline rush of a job well done, with no side issues to bog them down?

Dean's office

"Man, I've got to tell you, I've never had so much fun in my life," Dean enthuses, pulling a first aid kit out of a cupboard and then perching on the edge of his desk alongside Sam, who agrees that he feels the same.

Sitting alongside one another like this is pretty much the closest they've got to one another, socially, since this began, the distance between them slowly breaking down as they are no longer such complete strangers, having fought side by side and shared this remarkable experience.

"Hell of a work out, too, wasn't it?" Dean chirps, pulling gauze out of the med kit and handing some to Sam to clean himself up, before tending to that scrape on his own forehead.



Dean is still bubbling over, but Sam has become quiet and pensive, because for Sam this was not merely an exciting one-off to liven up the day and then live off the memory of for weeks to come. It was something he takes very seriously, his dreams made real, validation of his gut instinct that he should be doing more with his life than sitting in a cubicle fielding pointless calls from the technically inept about their recalcitrant printers.

"We should keep doing this," he blurts out, but Dean's barely even listening, so Sam keeps pressing. "I mean it. There have got to be other ghosts out there. We could help a lot of people."



Saving people, hunting things – way back when it was Dean who wanted to encourage his brother to embrace life as a hunter, and now they have come full circle.

"Right, we'd be like the Ghostfacers," snarks Dean, not taking the idea seriously for a moment.

"No. Really," says Sam, eyeing Dean anxiously because he is deadly serious about this and needs Dean to take him seriously, too. And it kills me that despite having learned everything they know about ghost hunting from the Ghostfacers, neither one takes them seriously for a moment. "I mean…for real."

Dean is taken aback. He might have enjoyed himself on this little adventure, as a one-off – it was in his building, after all, his co-workers being killed, right on his doorstep – but leaving the security of his home and career to go looking for trouble is another matter entirely.

"What?" he disbelieves. "Quit our jobs and hit the road?" That's exactly what Sam means, yes, but Dean still can't believe he is serious. "How would we live?" he incredulously asks, and Sam has no answer prepared for that question, because it was a spur of the moment suggestion, rather than a strategy he has thought through in detail. Dean pours more cold water over the idea. "You've got to be kidding me. How would we get by? Stolen credit cards, huh? Eating diner food, drenched in saturated fats? Sharing a crap motel room every night?"



Oh Dean, way to be scathing about your entire way of life, if only you knew it. Coming from this Dean, this outburst is all about the very understandable reluctance to give up a comfortable life and well-paid career with prospects for the dubious pleasures of life as an unemployed drifter in the company of a virtual stranger. But the real Dean tends to view his lifestyle in much the same way, these days – nothing but an unremitting grind of poverty, homelessness and thankless hard graft that have worn him down until he has nothing left to give – and it really hurts to compare this attitude to the Dean of season one who was so proud of what he did and the freedoms it afforded him. Overburdened and overwhelmed as he is by everything that has happened to him, he just can't see past the negatives lately, his depression and trauma robbing him of his ability to find pleasure in the small things that used to make it all worthwhile for him.

"That's all just details," Sam protests.



"Details are everything!" Dean insists, because Dean Smith is the well-respected man about town doing the best things so conservatively, and what Sam is suggesting here sounds pretty imprudent to him. "You don't want to go fighting ghosts without any health insurance!"

Ha. Given how often his real self has ended up in hospital, that's a very valid point!

Oh, but Sam's face falls, and he is so disappointed it hurts, although he tries not to let it show. They'd shared something here. They'd formed a connection. Sam has been having dreams and Dean was in them, and he wants both the life of action and purpose he dreamed of and the bond that he saw. And although this is Sam Wesson and not Sam Winchester, enough of each brother's real life issues and attitudes have filtered through for us to project this desire to connect – or reconnect – with Dean back upon his real life self, buried deep beneath the layers and layers of separation and pain and guilt and lies and mistrust that have divided them so badly of late.

But Dean won't budge, just can't bring himself to take the risk.

Sam tries another tactic, not prepared to give up on the idea so easily, and determined to persuade Dean because he really wants the other man at his side on this. "All right," he offers. "Confession. Remember those dreams I told you about? With the ghosts? I was fighting them. With you." Silence. Dean doesn't know how to react to that, so Sam elaborates. "We were, like…these…hunters. And…we were friends. More like brothers, really."



He looks wistful. He really wants the life that he saw in his dreams, that close fraternal relationship, and it is fascinating and very touching characterisation to see Sam reaching out and yearning like this, because Dean is the brother who has always been associated with the need for family and togetherness in the past.

And there is also a strong parallel in this scene to the real Sam trying to persuade the real Dean to follow the path he has chosen, but Dean unwilling to do so because he can see too much to be wary of.

"What if that's who we really are?" Sam tentatively but determinedly suggests. "I mean – you saw us back there, working together. The ghost was scrambling peoples' brains, what if it scrambled ours?"

At this point in the episode, that's actually a valid possibility, on one level, that the brothers might have come here to work the case but had their brains scrambled by the spirit – although the detail around Dean's management career and luxury apartment make it an outside bet. Even so, viewers know that Sam is right, that this isn't their real life, and that it is important that Dean snaps out of this sooner rather than later…but he can't. The Dean Smith persona is strong, his roots too deep to pull up on a whim, without any forethought or planning – and for the real Dean, buried somewhere deep in his subconscious, it is too scary to even contemplate leaving the security of this life.

"That's insane," Dean snorts, standing up and walking behind the desk, putting distance back between him and Sam because he is not comfortable with this conversation or their acquaintance any more, not when all of a sudden his safe, secure life is being challenged – threatened, even.

"Is it?" Sam protests. "Think about it for just one second. What if we think this is our life, but it's not?"



This is the point at which Sam loses this argument. He has presented his suggestion, which took Dean completely by surprise, and has stated his case clearly, but Dean wasn't ready to hear it. With the seeds of the idea now planted, what he should do is back down and give the other man time and space to think about it, wait for him to be ready. Dean might never be willing to agree to what Sam has suggested…but then again, after a good night's sleep and time to think about it, he might change his mind completely and be willing to give it a go, or at least a trial run. A compromise that suits them both might be possible, providing a foundation to build on. But Sam rarely knows when to back down or re-strategise, once he has set his mind on something he tends to just barrel on making things worse even when he has lost ground. He is too caught up in the heat of the moment to see that by pressing Dean before he is ready all he can succeed in doing is push him away.

Dean tries to rein this back in, unnerved by Sam's insistence that they run away together, being virtual strangers and all. "Hey man, the ghost is dead and we're still standing. I'm sorry, but –"

Sam snaps. "Look, all I know is, this isn't who we're supposed to be," he heatedly insists. And it hurts because all he wants is for them to be together, the close fraternal relationship he saw in his dreams, but that desire he feels in his gut is all he can see, and he wants it so much that it blinds him to all other considerations, such as Dean's reserve and need for breathing space. He's getting frustrated and impatient, and it is understandable but it is the wrong reaction, insisting on all or nothing and a decision right now and thus forcing Dean's back against the wall, pushing him away instead of drawing him closer. It is a typical Sam reaction. We've seen it many times in his real self.

"No. I'm Dean Smith, okay?" Dean firmly insists. "Director of Sales and Marketing. I went to Stanford. My father's name is Bob, my mother's name is Ellen and my sister's name is Jo."



Oh, oh, oh. Bobby. Ellen. Jo. It just absolutely kills me that these three individuals were plucked out of Dean's memory to construct his fake family. It has been way, way too long since Ellen and Jo were so much as referenced – I've wanted to know what they are each up to for almost two full seasons now, to no avail! It comes as no surprise that even this false persona is strongly rooted in family, since family has always been such an important part of Dean's identity, and it makes sense that he would be afraid of losing the family he believes is his here, too. He won't even consider the possibility, paralleling the real Dean's terror of losing what little family he can still claim.

I also love the detail that in this false reality it was Dean who went to Stanford, not Sam: such subtle reinforcement of the fact that he is intelligent and adaptable, he's just not well educated in his real life, but if he'd had the opportunity and ambition for it he could have done well for himself. He is extremely capable, whether his real self believes it or not.

"When's the last time you talked to them? Any of them?" Sam sharply presses, and Dean can't answer. He hasn't spoken to them in the last three weeks, since starting this job, and before that…well, before that all his memories are false.

Unable to answer, Dean avoids the question, instead tries to defuse the tension and calm Sam down, always the mediator. "Okay. You're upset," he soothes. "You're upset, you're confused…"

"Because I only moved here because I broke up with my fiancée Madison," Sam furiously explains. "But I called her number and I got a damn animal hospital!"



Madison. Animal hospital. Snerk! Oh, Show. Interesting that Madison was woven into Sam's false identity as his ex-fiancée instead of Jessica, but presumably it was just for the sake of this joke! The failed relationship that supposedly brought Sam to town and into this temporary job reinforces the detail work that has gone into the backstory of his false persona: rootless and drifting, caught in a dead-end job, searching for the sense of purpose he sees in his dreams and a close relationship to fill the gap in his life left by the failed engagement. It is the built-in redundancy for the scenario, the motivating factor that creates Sam as the driving force for change, as he first encouraged Dean to think outside the box and now attempts to coax him out of the safety and security of his corporate identity.

Dean tries to understand. "Okay, what are you saying? Are you trying to say that my family isn't real? Huh? That we've been injected with fake memories? Come on!"

"All I know is, I've got this feeling," Sam fiercely insists. "In my gut. And I know. I know, deep down, you've got to be feeling it too."

But Dean only ducks his head and sighs, shaking his head with denial. He can't let go of the security afforded by his life, not least because his real self needs safety and security so very desperately and has none whatsoever to cling onto. Whatever subconscious stirrings he may or may not have, why would he want to go back to that?

"We are supposed to be something else," Sam firmly states, steadfast in this conviction. "You're not just some corporate douchebag, this isn't you! I know you."



But he has overstated his case, pushed too hard before Dean was ready, and Dean hardens his resolve. "Know me? You don't know me, pal."



Oh man, that hurts. But it is true. In this reality, these two men are strangers. They might have got to know one another a little through this shared experience, but still they only met a couple of days ago, not enough time to get to know someone. And in their real lives? In their real lives they have become virtual strangers, as well, drifting apart more and more with each passing episode, divided by experiences that neither one can share with the other as well as by secrecy, deception and mistrust. There is just too much that neither one understands about the other.

Uncomfortable, Dean tells Sam that he should go, and Sam is crushed by his failure. He'd been so excited and eager, because his idea felt so very right – too excited and eager to understand why Dean can't feel the same way, or to follow his reasoning, unwilling to adjust or lower his expectations in line with Dean's reserve. It is almost always the same with Sam: he insists on all or nothing, is rarely prepared to compromise. Sometimes that pays off for him – but this time it has backfired and left him with nothing.



Deeply disappointed, Sam walks away.

Left alone with the memory of what they achieved this night and how good it felt, and of Sam's disappointed face, Dean finally has a chance to stop and think and process everything that has happened.

Morning

Printers print, photocopiers copy, and pencils are sharpened. Times passes.

A disconsolate Sam sits morosely in his cubicle, filling out a form and determinedly ignoring his phone, which is ringing.

The phone refuses to stop ringing. Sam stops what he is doing and glares at it. The phone fails to take the hint. Ring. Ring. Ring.



Sam can't take any more. He hates everything about this life and this job, and last night he had a taste of that other life he's been dreaming about, the life that he wants so very much. He wanted Dean to be a part of it too, but was disappointed in that hope…but that doesn't mean he can't reach out and take the life that he wants for himself anyway. This is Sam, and Sam has always been prepared to go it alone if need be.

Making a decision, he slowly pulls his headset off and stands up, picks up one of the fire irons from Dean's apartment, that he apparently hung onto after their little adventure last night, and uses it to pulverise the phone.

Having manned a reception desk many times, I can completely understand that sentiment!

Eventually, the red mist fades and Sam stops beating on the phone, realises that everyone in the call centre has stopped work to stare at him. "I quit," he rather redundantly announces, and then turns and walks out.

Dean's office

Up in his office, Dean sits hunched at his desk typing away at a report, trying hard to concentrate on his work rather than what happened last night or the idea that Sam planted in his head, the terrifying notion of leaving the safety and comfort of his life and striking out into the unknown, swapping security for the exhilaration of the hunt. He dismissed the notion entirely when put on the spot, but now that he has had time and space to think about it, he looks tired, distracted and uncertain, because he can't just push it all aside and forget about it, as he would like to. The work that he does here, sitting alone in his office, just can't compare, and yet it is so much safer and easier.



Mr Adler wanders in to see how Dean is getting on. "How are you feeling, Dean?" he asks. Taken aback, Dean blusters that he is great, but Adler eyes him thoughtfully. "You look a little tired. Been working hard, I gather. Don't be modest. I hear everything. And I'm pleased with what I'm hearing. That's why it's important to me that you're happy."

I hear everything. I'm pleased with what I'm hearing. It's important to me that you're happy. Wow, there is a lot of double meaning that can be read into those lines once we know who this man really is!

Sitting down in front of Dean's desk, Adler pulls a pen out of his breast pocket and scrawls on a piece of paper, which he pushes across the desk to Dean. "How's that for a bonus?"

Dean reads the number and is impressed. "That's very generous," he cautiously allows.

"Purely selfish. We want to make sure you're not going anywhere," Adler smiles, and there is still more double meaning in that statement, but this time a deliberate mislead. We want to make sure you're not going anywhere sounds potentially menacing, as if Dean is perhaps being trapped in this false life by a demon or some other creature, deliberately removing him from the fight to prevent him playing his destined part in preventing the Apocalypse. But no. He is being tested, the final push to see if he is ready to end this yet.

Dean still can't get over the sum of money he is being offered and asks if the man is sure, which – take the money and run, Dean! I wish someone would offer me a bonus like that.

"Positive," Adler enthuses. "You are real Sandover material, son: real go-getter, carving your own way. I see big things in your future. Maybe even Senior VP, Eastern Great Lakes Division."

I see big things in your future. Everything this man says is laced with double meaning. That statement right there could apply to both Deans – the pep talk is aimed at Dean Smith and his blossoming career, but the subtext is aimed at Dean Winchester, who is destined to help prevent the Apocalypse.

Adler continues to wax lyrical about how Dean will have to work hard for the honour – working seven day weeks, eating lunch at his desk – but in eight to ten short years, he really could find himself promoted all the way up to dizzying heights. But all the while Dean is looking pensive and troubled. He can't forget what happened last night and how good it felt, the exhilarating rush of adrenaline, the team work and companionship, the satisfaction of knowing that lives had been saved – the money and lifestyle of his career with Sandover might be good, but this big office feels empty and the work meaningless, in comparison with what he experienced last night.



Dean has a choice to make, and Adler's offer is making that clear to him – putting him on the spot rather more subtly than Sam did last night, now that he has had time and space to think. I hear everything. I'm pleased with what I'm hearing. It's important to me that you're happy, Adler said, and he meant every word of that. He knows what happened last night and it pleased him, and it is important to him that Dean is happy, but not for the reasons Dean thinks. Now he is gently applying the final push.

So, what life does Dean want to lead? The safety, security and comfort of Sandover Bridge & Iron, where nothing out of the ordinary is likely to ever happen again, and his whole career is mapped out for him in advance? Or the danger and unpredictability, companionship and teamwork, exhilaration and satisfaction of life as a hunter, as proposed by Sam last night?

Dean takes the hands-free earpiece out of his ear and pushes the note back across the desk toward his boss, a gesture of rejection. "Well, thank you," he hesitantly begins, scarcely believing what he is saying himself. "Thank you, sir. It's, um… But. I am…giving my notice."

He eyes Adler warily from beneath ridiculously long lashes as his boss startles. "This is a joke? You're kidding me, right?"

"No." Dean still does not look 100% sure, is very aware of the many pitfalls of this decision, but he has made his mind up. "I've recently, uh – very recently – realised that I have some other work that I have to do. It's very important to me." Frowning, Adler presses him to elaborate, and Dean admits that it is hard to explain, waving his hands around at the office and his tie. "It's just that…this. It's just…it's not who I'm supposed to be."

It's not who I'm supposed to be. Not, it's not who I want to be. This decision is not just about preferring the life he caught a glimpse of to the one he is currently leading. He has taken on board everything Sam said, right down to the dreams in which they were brothers who hunted together, finally internalising Sam's gut instinct that they have both been living the wrong life. This is not who I'm supposed to be.

Adler's face lights up like a Christmas tree, which is so not the reaction Dean was expecting. "Dean, Dean, Dean," he beams. "Finally."



Standing up, Adler leans across the desk and presses two fingers to Dean's forehead – just as we have seen Castiel doing before him, the gesture telling us exactly what he is…

…and just like that, all the colour fades out of the world, the brightly saturated cinematography of the episode thus far dulling to the more usual drab, de-saturated tones to indicate the return of reality.

"What the hell?" Dean – Dean Winchester, that is – takes a moment to process and react. "Why am I wearing a tie – my God, am I hungry!"

Adler chuckles. "Welcome back."

Dean's brain slowly catches up with him. "Wait, did I – did I just get touched by a… Are you…? You're an angel, aren't you?"

"I'm Zachariah," the angel introduces himself, with a benevolent smile – a bit like a teacher with a slightly slow student who has just finally hit their target and fulfilled expectations, proud of both the student for his achievement and of himself for his successful instruction.

So, Zachariah is an angel, which means that the angels set up this entire scenario, and that in turn means that my gut instinct that this was a weird kind of health spa for Dean was absolutely spot on!

"Oh, great." Dean is disgusted. "That's all I need is another one of you guys!"



Hostile antagonism has always been Dean's standard reaction to angelic interference in his life, but it is especially good to see him reverting to such fighting form now, knee jerk reaction intact, having seen him so utterly crushed after the events of On The Head Of A Pin. It stands as immediate evidence that the distance provided by this little out-of-character experience has done him some good, at least.

"I'm hardly 'another one', Dean. I'm Castiel's superior," Zachariah mildly tuts. "Believe me: I had no interest in popping down here into one of these smelly things. But after the unfortunate situation with Uriel, I felt it necessary to pay a visit. Get my ducks in a row."

So the next angel up the ladder of command has been compelled to come and clean up the mess resulting from On The Head Of A Pin. This fascinates me in all kinds of ways. First of all, seeing yet another angel wearing a human body and remembering that Castiel only took his after his initial attempts at communicating with Dean failed, I'm imagining the recommendations that must have stemmed from his preliminary field reports, and the ripple of displeasure that must have trickled back through angelic ranks as a result, as more of them have been sent to earth and have had to follow suit. It makes me wonder: have Castiel, Uriel and Zachariah been the only ones so far, or are there more out there? Plus, Castiel was at pains to point out that his host had apparently prayed for the honour – although it is debatable whether he specifically prayed to be possessed by an angel, or rather more generically offered himself up in service to God, expecting nothing more strenuous than a position on the business committee of his local church. Either way, I just wonder if Uriel and Zachariah's hosts were chosen with such care.

Plus, you know, on this whole business of angels having to take human bodies to prevent disintegrating eardrums and burning eyes out of skulls…I can't help remembering the heavenly host appearing to humble shepherds in the Gospels without any such catastrophic results. Maybe those shepherds were just really special!

I also find myself imagining what kind of report Castiel must have submitted after the debacle of On The Head Of A Pin, given how that episode ended: Uriel revealed as a traitor and murdered by the renegade Anna, plus the revelation that he had converted other angels to his cause, not to mention Dean ending up shattered in body and spirit just as we learned how much the angels need him functional and fighting. I wonder just how hard Castiel had his knuckles rapped over it all, since there really was no one else to pass the buck onto.

We only ever catch tantalising glimpses behind the scenes of Angel Command, but Zachariah's presence here, the fourth angel we've met so far, gives us a face and personality for at least one of the characters Castiel was so troubled about being made to doubt last episode, fellow angels that he knows well and trusts, has worked alongside for millennia. It makes me wonder again how Castiel is going to deal with the knowledge that there are still traitors within angelic ranks and they could be anyone – he has no way of telling. He couldn't tell with Uriel until it was far, far too late. He won't want to get caught like that again, but he hasn't yet learned to trust his independent judgement either way, yet he also can't just go rogue, because he still believes wholeheartedly in his cause and in his brethren. It's a tricky one – I love how messy the situation has become on all sides.

"I am not one of your ducks," Dean fumes, deeply resenting still more interference in his life, being pushed and pulled around like a chess piece with no agency of his own. It is so good to see him railing against this treatment again instead of just silently rolling over and accepting it or opting out entirely as he seemed inclined to at the end of On The Head Of A Pin.



"Starting with your attitude," continues Zachariah, voice hardening. He's gone to a lot of trouble for Dean and is not prepared to tolerate insolence – not least because he wants to make use of Dean's knee-jerk reaction against angelic authority as a counter measure to his despair and depression, now that he is back on his feet again and somewhat removed from the immediate trauma of what happened to him in On The Head Of A Pin.

Dean glares at him, putting the pieces together. "So, what? This was all some sort of a lesson? Is that what you're telling me? Wow. Very creative."

"You should see my decoupage," Zachariah deadpans, and Dean is a little creeped out at the thought of it – which successfully defuses his hostility for a second or two, at least.

"So, what, I'm just hallucinating all this, is that it?" Dean grumps, and I wonder – is that what he thinks happened in In The Beginning, that it was an induced hallucination to show him the sequence of events, or does he believe he really travelled in time? It was never made clear either what really happened or what Dean believes really happened.

Zachariah shakes his head. "Not at all. Real place, real haunting – just plunked you in the middle without the benefit of your memories."



The scenario that Zachariah created for Dean – and Sam – really is fascinating to consider. He had a problem, namely that Dean, the righteous man who started the Apocalypse and therefore the only one who can stop it – the one real weapon the angels have, according to Anna – was broken, shattered in both body and mind. So he devised a creative solution for that problem. It's not a solution that any human might have proposed, but one that makes perfect sense from Zachariah's angelic point of view – a solution that demonstrates impressive understanding of how human psychology works, especially compared with the other angels we have met, viewed from the clinically objective, external perspective of a being that can have no personal understanding of how those emotions actually feel.

A complete break and/or change of scene, plenty of rest, healthy diet – it's what would be prescribed both for someone who just came out of hospital and for someone in the throes of a complete breakdown. Dean fits both of those criteria, and the scenario that Zachariah planted him in certainly met the basic requirements of his recuperation. You couldn't get much more of a complete break/change of scene than this, a whole new identity! Psychological trauma runs deep and recovery takes time, and time is exactly what Dean has been given: three weeks of complete insulation from the trauma that he suffered, allowing both his body and spirit to heal. He was provided with a sedentary desk job to ensure that he got plenty of rest, and Dean Smith was set up as a health freak to ensure that a healthy diet was followed – a detox diet, even, thoroughly flushing his system.

"I don't believe in destiny," Dean declared earlier. "I do believe in dealing with what's right in front of us, though." Dean believes the evidence of his eyes over his ears, every time, and Zachariah made full use of that fact. Dean Smith was well respected and socially accepted, highly competent and intelligent, and the comfortable assurance of this success and achievement were carefully designed as a soothing balm for Dean's shattered self-esteem. Equally, the legitimate haunting, successfully resolved, allowed Dean to demonstrate to himself just how much hunting is a part of who he is, something that he loves and excels at, quite independent of the weight of destiny now pressing on his shoulders. The evidence of personal experience speaks far louder than words ever could.

The inclusion of Sam in this little scenario was equally purposeful, demonstrating that the angels understand just how important he is to his brother – no doubt also among the reasons they have never yet taken action against him, despite their concerns over the perceived corruption of his human self by his continued use of unnatural powers instilled in him by demon blood. Sam's restlessness and dissatisfaction with the rootless life and menial work set up for him, along with his dreams of his old life, provided an invaluable driving force to coax Dean back out of the safe, secure shell provided for him by this false identity.

And, whether intentional or mere side effect, there was a lesson in all of this for Sam, as well. His enthusiasm for the hunt seen here reflects his real self's commitment to and acceptance of the life, a far cry from his season one self, but the camaraderie he shared with Dean on this adventure, unhindered by the emotional baggage they both haul around with them from day to day, and his heartfelt yearning for the close bond he saw between them in his dreams could and should serve as a reminder of what is really important to him: his brother. The problems they have in their real life are unlikely to be resolved any time soon, but hopefully the break will have done Sam some good, as well, and reminded him that hunting evil doesn't always have to be about doom and gloom and the more super-powers the better – simple teamwork and cooperation, a partnership of equals, can also achieve great success.

The names say it all: Smith and Wesson. Individually those names are meaningless, but together they combine to make a functional whole – the equivalent of a Winchester. The creation of the brothers' false personas left their basic personalities intact while freeing them from the burdens of their painful recent past and the preconceptions of their established sibling dynamics. Coming together without either expectation or prejudice, they were able to forge a new and highly successful balance, as equals, working together seamlessly to solve the case and guard one another's backs, and having fun so doing. It took them both, working as a team, to solve the case, and they both drew immense satisfaction from that companionship and teamwork. There is a lesson there that both can take away from this experience – but it is a terrible shame that Sam never got to see Dean change his mind about joining him on the road, so that the last memory Sam Wesson had of Dean Smith was rejection. That fact serves as a reminder that they still have a very long way to go before they can even begin to repair their relationship, even as the adventure as a whole offers hope that rebuilding might someday be possible.

Dean remains livid about the angelic interference. "Just to shake things up?" he snips. "So you guys can have fun watching us run around like ass clowns in monkey suits?"

"To prove to you that the path you're on is truly in your blood," Zachariah sternly explains. "You're a hunter. Not because your dad made you, not because God called you back from hell, but because it is what you are. And you love it. You'll find your way to it in the dark every single time and you're miserable without it. Dean, let's be real, here. You're good at this. You'll be successful. You will stop it."

Clear and candid positive affirmation to reinforce the lessons learned through personal experience. You're good at this. You will succeed. Dean desperately needs to hear this kind of validation – and he needs to hear it often, because the damage of a lifetime cannot be undone overnight. But hearing it is one thing, believing it is another entirely, and already that bleak look is returning to his eyes at the thought of the monumental task that lies ahead and the crushing weight of the guilt on his shoulders. "Stop what? The Apocalypse? Lucifer? What? Be specific, man?" he protests.



Dean knows now why he was raised from hell, what is expected from him, and that expectation is overwhelming in its magnitude. The fact that he is still so freaked out by it demonstrates clearly that this was not a miracle cure by any means. The weeks of respite and recuperation here have provided him with the rest that he needed, placed some distance between him and the immediate trauma of what he went through, got him back on his feet again…but those deep, dark issues remain intact.

"You'll do everything you're destined to do. All of it," Zachariah confidently states, and I wonder if he knows that for sure or is just expressing optimism because he wants to boost Dean's confidence. I also wonder if any of the angels even know just how Dean is supposed to prevent the Apocalypse. "I know, I know," Zachariah mockingly continues. "You're not strong enough. You're scared. You've got daddy issues. You can't do it. Right?"

"Angel or not, I will stab you in your face," Dean glowers, and I burst into a round of applause, because that is the attitude we want to be seeing!



Zachariah smiles, because whatever complaint he might offer against Dean's insolence, he wants that kind of fighting talk and is deliberately provoking it. He needs Dean functional and fighting. "All I'm saying is: it's how you look at it," he says. "Most folks live or die without moving anything more than the dirt it takes to bury them. You get to change things. Save people."

It's how you look at it. That might be the most important thing Zachariah says in this entire conversation, summing up the conclusion he wants Dean to draw from this experience. Dean has been completely overwhelmed by the weight of destiny hanging over him, the sheer vast scale of the Apocalypse and his personal responsibility for it, the complete absence of either choice or hope. It has been all he can see for some time now, but Zachariah is pointing out that there are other directions he could choose to face, reminding him that before fate started to rear its ugly head he chose this life for himself and did so for a reason, that he enjoyed it and was good at it, and can have that again if he chooses to focus on the positives over the negatives. Dean is a hunter. Not because his dad made him do it and not because God called him back from hell, although both of those factors have played their part in shaping the course of his life, but over and above any root cause anyone might care to name it is because being a hunter is who he is, independent of anything fate or destiny might throw at him. Zachariah is urging him to focus not on the fact that he was chosen but on the fact that he himself chose, to remember all the small details that once made living this life worthwhile for him.

Of course, it can't and won't be as simple as that, but I very much doubt Zachariah expects it to be. It doesn't need to be. The angel is just tossing these thoughts out there for Dean to take away with him, rather than expecting one simple pep talk to undo the damage of a lifetime – and also to further goad him, wanting him angry rather than apathetic. This whole experience was designed not as a miracle cure but as a bridge, a first stepping-stone toward the road to recovery, because the angels need Dean on his feet and fighting for when the time comes for him to play his part – and if we compare the Dean we see here with the Dean we left at the end of On The Head Of A Pin, it appears to have been a pretty effective strategy. The crushing guilt and despair are still there and they aren't going to go away any time soon, but this little interlude has provided a transition that allows Dean to move past the paralysis of his immediate trauma and begin to realise that he can still function, can still make a difference, one small step at a time. There is no such thing as a miracle cure, not on this show, but functional is enough to be going on with for now

Dean scoffs and turns away, not wanting to hear the pep talk, and the camera stays on his face, deeply disturbed because this angel is expressing such confidence in him, and he just cannot feel that kind of confidence in himself. Jensen Ackles' reactions to Zachariah's speech are so subtle and so perfect – a little roll of the eyes here, twitch of the cheek there as he listens to what to Dean sounds like a litany of expectation that he feels utterly incapable of living up to.

Zachariah doesn't skip a beat. "Maybe even the world," he continues. "All the while you drive a classic car and fornicate with women. This isn't a curse. It's a gift. So for God's sake, Dean, quit whining about it."

Oy, Dean reacts to that, spins back around to glare at the angel for belittling his pain, and I am absolutely with him on that, because that remark was completely unjustified. Dean has never whined about what happened to him. He has been crushed, completely and utterly, but he hasn't whined, not once. He could have, most definitely, and maybe should have, but he hasn't.

Zachariah's intonation was very different than Sam's when he accused Dean of whining, though. Then, fuelled by the siren's poison, Sam was deliberately trying to hurt his brother, harsh and judgemental. Here, though, there is no sense of anything of the sort – it is more that the angel is trying to jolly Dean along, maybe still trying to provoke a reaction to keep him angry and focused instead of letting him withdraw back into himself in reaction against the affirmation he has been offered. Maybe he knows that Dean has always responded better to orders than to cajoling. Maybe it is just that he is a military angel whose understanding of human psychology is better than most but still imperfect, since he is not human himself. Dean is a valuable weapon that has been broken and Zachariah needs to get him fixed and back in action by any means possible. Still, whatever the motive, trivialising what Dean has been through is wrong. His breakdown was entirely justified and a long time coming. Really, it is a miracle he is even sane – most people would be complete basket cases if they'd been through what he has.

It is the one wrong note in the scene, however, and one of only two major miss-hits in the whole episode.

"Look around," Zachariah urges. "There are plenty of fates worse than yours."

Oy again. I work in an office, and it might not be the most exciting job in the world, but it is a lot better than being tortured in hell or burdened with the guilt of having triggered the Apocalypse and the responsibility of saving the world! But this is less about dissing the soul-numbing nature of corporate life and more about selling the hunting lifestyle to Dean by demonstrating the gaping contrast between the life he has always lived, full of freedom and adventure, with the life here at Sandover that he ultimately rejected.

"So, you with me?" Zachariah challenges. "You want to go steam yourself another latte? Or are you ready to stand up and be who you really are?"

He takes a step toward Dean, whose eyes go wide, because he really, really is not comfortable with angels getting into his personal space, and the episode fades out on Dean, considering the challenge and looking deeply troubled, the weight of the world on his shoulders once again.

April 2009

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